


Ever Forgotten

by tacentAcharne (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Human!Trolls, Humanstuck, M/M, Post-Sburb, Post-Scratch, Post-Sgrub, Species Swap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-12-09
Updated: 2012-03-01
Packaged: 2017-10-27 02:59:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 25,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/290912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/tacentAcharne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>I will never forget.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>  <em>Promise, Strider?</em></p><p> </p><p>  <em>….Promise, Egbert.</em></p><p> </p><p>Your name is Dave Strider. You are 27 years old, have raised your younger brother, and own a night club. Still, something seems... missing.</p><p>Your name is Dave Strider, and you have forgotten.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 01

**Author's Note:**

> Bro is named Dallas for the sake of having a name. This will be changed when we actually get Bro’s name from Hussie.
> 
> Edit: Fixed Dallas to Dirk

_  
I will never forget.  
Promise, Strider?  
….Promise, Egbert.  
_

==>Dave: Begin the Story

“Bro? Hey, bro, where the hell are ya?” What? Oh, it was just Dirk. You had momentarily forgotten about your little brother. Well, little brother was just something you called the kid. After all, weren’t you more like a parental figure? You had taken the kid in when you were seventeen and raised him. He was probably about five when you took him in, and you were twenty-seven now.

“In here, little man.” Your reply, as usual, was stoic and emotionless; something Dirk had adopted into his own speech when he wasn’t home alone with you. You weren’t too surprised when Dirk made his way into your room, ironic anime shades perched on the bridge of his nose. It still amused you that his freckles peeked out from under his shades, but you never brought them up.

“Okay, first, don’t call me ‘little man’. It’s uncool and I’m fifteen not five. Second, Jake is here. That cool?” Of course it was cool; Dirk knew you were cool with pretty much anything. You were pretty much the most easy-going parental figure-slash-older brother ever.

“Just don’t do something I wouldn’t do, little man. You know I don’t give a shit about what you do as long as it doesn’t get you arrested or killed.” You were very easy-going with Dirk, you realized. Probably because you knew he was good with those shitty swords and he wasn’t half bad at hand-to-hand combat. You taught him, of course, which was the only reason he was even remotely decent with any self-defense skills.

“Fuck, stop calling me that!” you only chuckled as Dirk left your room to go hang out with his little boyfriend ( _“Fuck you, Dave! Jake isn’t my boyfriend! I don’t care that we’re close; we’re just bros, jegus!”_ ). It was funny, how much Dirk and Jake reminded you of, well, yourself and… someone.

Of course, you didn’t know who that someone was. Ever since Dirk had introduced you to the Jake English kid, something about the black haired kid just seemed familiar. It wasn’t his way of speaking; the kid was the only one who you knew spoke in that god awful 1920’s-esque speech ( _”Dave, it isn’t 1920’s-esque. He’s just really polite and proper! ...Well, polite and proper with the occasional ‘fuck’ slipped in there. You know what, fuck you!”_ ). It was the glasses and that overbite; it was just so familiar to you and you didn’t know why.

Eh, maybe it reminded you of someone you saw in passing or in a movie once. You frequently watched shitty movies with Dirk, just because it was ironic. Plus, you liked spending time with the glorified brat, but it was mostly because of the irony. Really, it was. You tried explaining the reason of watching shitty movies, fully because of the irony, to Jake once when he overheard you and Dirk talking about it, but he just stared at you blankly and walked away, looking for the bathroom after you explained it.

He just didn’t appreciate the irony of watching shitty movies with the glorified brat you called your little brother.

Not that you cared, really. You cared more about your DJ equipment than what some fifteen year old brat thought about his quality time with his bro. In fact, you didn’t care what Jake English thought about anything; why should you?

Ironic shitty movie night on the brain might explain why you suddenly find yourself standing in front of your computer with a copy of Con Air in your hand. What. How did this even find its way into your room in the first place? You don’t remember bringing it into your room. Maybe Dirk brought it in. Last shitty movie night was in your room, and he had brought a stack of shitty movies with him.

This movie, though, was by far the shittiest. Made you wonder why it stood out to you so much. Just staring at Nic Cage’s face on the cover creeped you out more than it should. Thankfully, a chime from your computer indicated you had a new message on Pesterchum.

CG: OKAY, FUCKASS.  
CG: YOU HAVE THIRTY SECONDS TO TELL ME WHY YOU AREN’T ANSWERING YOUR PHONE.  
CG: OR ANSWERING MY TEXTS.  
TG: whoa there sorry babe  
TG: i must have misplaced it  
TG: yeah it isnt in my pockets at all  
TG: or on my nightstand  
TG: my bad  
TG: care to tell me what youve been apparently frantically texting me and calling me for???  
TG: or do i need to guess until you get irritated enough with my shitty guesses that you just scream the answer at me??  
CG: I’LL SAVE MY SELF THE FUCKING TROUBLE THANKS.  
CG: HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN WHAT TODAY IS?  
CG: AND DON’T CALL ME BABE.  
TG: im gonna go with thursday  
TG: well if i cant call you babe what am i supposed to call you???  
TG: honey??? Darling???  
CG: FUCK YOU.  
CG: YOU WILL CALL ME BY MY NAME.  
CG: NONE OF YOUR SHITTY IRONIC PET NAMES.  
CG: BUT YES TODAY IS THURSDAY.  
CG: DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU HAD SCHEDULED FOR THIS THURSDAY?  
CG: IF YOU FORGOT I’M GOING TO PUNCH YOU THROUGH THIS COMPUTER SCREEN. DON’T TEST ME, STRIDER. I WILL FUCKING DO IT.  
TG: wait i know  
TG: shit i had that meeting with that sound dude didnt i?  
TG: the one at the club?  
TG: he was gonna set up all the wiring and shit right?  
TG: that interior decorating person is coming at the same time too  
TG: right???  
CG: DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER.  
CG: YOUR MEETING IS IN TEN MINUTES FUCKASS.  
CG: IT TAKES YOU FIFTEEN TO GET TO YOUR STUPID CLUB.  
CG: WAY TO GO SHIT FOR BRAINS.  
CG: YOU COULD HAVE QUITE POSSIBLY SCREWED YOURSELF OVER.  
CG: YOU’RE LUCKY I CAME TO YOUR STUPID CLUB TODAY IN CASE YOU FORGOT.  
CG: AND YOU’RE FUCKING LUCKY THAT I CAN HACK INTO THE FUCKING WIRELESS AROUND HERE SO I CAN TELL YOU TO GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE.  
CG: I CAN ONLY STALL FOR SO LONG.  
TG: ah shit youre the best kar  
TG: no seriously you are  
TG: i dont know what i would do without you  
CG: WITHOUT ME YOU’D PROBABLY BE ROTTING AWAY IN SOME DUMPSTER IN DOWNTOWN MANHATTAN.  
CG: AND DIRK WOULD PROBABLY BE GOD KNOWS WHERE.  
CG: CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY, DAVID STRIDER.  
TG: whoa david???  
TG: babe  
TG: its dave  
TG: i dont go by david  
TG: you know that  
CG: STOP CALLING ME BABE  
CG: JUST GET YOUR ASS TO THE CLUB ASAP  
CG: AND DON’T FORGET YOUR BLUEPRINTS  
CG: AND FIND YOUR PHONE  
CG: IDIOT.  
TG: yes yes i understand  
TG: i should be there in 30 minutes or so  
CG: NO LATER THAN 30 MINUTES OR I WILL SKIN YOU. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? THIRTY. FUCKING. MINUTES.  
TG: yes i get it  
TG: jeez babe stop talking and let me get ready  
CG: FUCK YOU  
TG: maybe later  
CG: GO TO HELL

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] blocked turntechGodhead [TG]\--

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] unblocked turntechGodhead [TG]\--

You sighed and dropped the copy of Con Air onto your desk. Dirk and Jake would be fine for a few hours while you went to your club to get everything straightened out, right? Nah, of course they would. Dirk was a responsible kid and Jake was Jake. They would be absolutely fine.

It didn’t take long for you to toss on that stupid white button-up (you absolutely despised the collar, but you dealt with it for meetings) and that blasted black tie that your oh-so-loving friend demands you wear every time you have a meeting ( _”But it’s too tight and it makes me look like a fucking douche tool. Come on, Kar, don’t make me wear it.” ”Shut the fuck up, Strider, and put the fucking thing on!”_). At least he wouldn’t bitch about your red sports jacket with the broken record on the left side. You had a thing for broken records, or at least the design of them.

Oh, and the color red. You liked that color.

Despite the more professional attire above the waist, you weren’t about to give up some sense of comfort and abandon your jeans. Black, to match your tie, or at least that’s what you told yourself. Black jeans meant something to you, just like that shitty Con Air movie and Jake’s glasses and bucked teeth, but you don’t know what. Just like your shades; you still don’t remember how you got them. You just remember… having them. Not how you got them, if someone gave them to you or if you bought them.

You shook your head, heading to the bathroom to see if your hair needed any taming. Some days your hair was perfectly fine from the moment you rolled out of bed; other days, your hair needed some serious help because it looked like a hurricane had gone through it. Today, thankfully, your hair looked perfectly fine. You could easily leave the house dressed as you currently were.

Except you couldn’t leave until you found your phone. If you got to the club without it, you’d have to deal with a very angry friend, and a possible hissy fit-slash-temper tantrum, which were never fun when it came to Karkat. His tantrums always ended violently, with either Dave or Karkat himself in a headlock with a bloody nose. That, definitely, was never fun.

So, the only logical thing to do was ask Dirk if he had seen your phone. After all, your blueprints for your club were already in your car. Wait was your phone there? Nah, you remembered bringing it in the other day. You knew exactly where to find Dirk though; in the living room, playing shitty video games with Jake. Jake still didn’t understand the point of playing shitty games for the irony. Poor kid, so deprived of irony.

You made your way over to your little brother and plucked the controller out of his hands. His face went from twisted in concentration to irritated in a matter of .02 seconds. Huh, a new record in your book.

“Fucking… Dave, what are you doing?!” Dirk nearly screeched. Seemed as though you taking the controller from him allowed Jake to pull ahead and win in the shitty game. Huh, who knew Jake English could look so smug? “Give me the fucking controller, bro!”

“Hold on for a sec, little man.” You chuckled a bit at Dirk’s seething glare as Jake snickered at the nickname. “I need to know if you’ve seen my phone. Kar’s gonna have my head if I don’t find it.”

“Why, you going somewhere?” Dirk's glare let up only slightly. Your brother had such a hot head sometimes. You wondered where that came from, since you never lost your shit in front of him before, and have always been the epitome of chill in his presence.

“Yeah, I forgot I had a meeting at the club. Kar saved my ass by being there to meet them, but I gotta fly down there, little man, and fast. I need my fuckin’ phone and abscond the fuck out of here. Have you seen it?” you questioned, holding the controller just out of reach. Dirk would get the controller back soon enough.

“Wait, shit, you’re going to the club? You should let me and Jake come with you.” Dirk was always looking for excuses to go to the club, despite the fact that _it wasn’t even finished yet_. Jake, however, looked shocked at Dirk’s suggestion. Actually, he looked rather appalled at the thought. Apparently, your unfinished club that he hadn’t even seen yet wasn’t good enough for him. No, that probably wasn’t it, or at least you hoped not. Your club was going to be the epitome of cool, considering you owned the fucking place and were gonna DJ there every night. Well, most of the time. You still needed time to chill at your place with Dirk.

Damn, you’d need to find another DJ who had just as good of sick beats as you did.

Well, that was going to be fucking impossible.

“If you wanna come, you can. I’m just meeting with whoever is going to be doing the interior and the guy who is gonna set up the sound system. You’re gonna be bored out of your fuckin’ mind, little man.” You pointed out, raising a brow behind your shades. “Anyways, wanna tell me where the fuck my phone is?”

“Breadbox.” Dirk replied as he snatched the controller from your hand. Why was it in the…? Oh, right, you were making a sandwich. You must have left your phone in there by accident. Welp, there was your dumbshit moment of the week. “Wanna go to the club, English?” Dirk turned to his friend as you went to the kitchen to get your phone. No doubt you’d have even more texts from Karkat, making sure you were on your fucking way.

Sometimes you wondered about Karkat. Really, you did.

“Uhm, a club? Why, that sounds completely inappropriate and, by golly, not a place we should be!” You tried your hardest not to laugh at Jake’s manner of speaking. Good thing you had mastered the art of the poker face.

“Dude, the place isn’t even open yet. Dave is still getting it set up. Let’s just go. It’ll probably be better than sitting here playing shitty video games.” You could almost hear Jake silently agree with Dirk’s logic as you pulled your phone out of the breadbox. Wow, 27 text messages, and seven missed calls. You knew all the calls were from Karkat, no doubt panicking about the meeting, but no way could he have sent you 27 text messages.

You skimmed all of the texts. Welp, 24 of the texts were from Karkat. That was almost a new record of the amount of texts Karkat had ever sent you in the time frame of one hour. Then, of course, you had three texts from a few other friends. You ignored them all; you’d reply to them later. For now, you had to abscond the fuck out of your place and into your car with the glorified brats.

“If you two are coming then we need to leave right the fuck now. Kar’ll have my head, but I think I told you that already.” You said, grabbing your keys from the counter. Dirk practically dragged Jake to the door and you only chuckled as they made their way to your car; oh, they would definitely be dating sometime soon, if they weren’t already. You suspected they were, but Dirk just wasn’t telling you.

You pushed that thought aside as you decided to reply to one of Karkat’s messages to let him know you were on your way.

 _  
we’re on our way. by we i mean me and the glorified brat and the glorified brats little friend. see you soon babe  
_

As you got into the car, you heard your phone chime with a response from Karkat.

 _  
DON’T CALL ME BABE, FUCKASS  
_

You only chuckled as you left the parking lot of your apartment building and headed towards your club, glorified brats chattering away in the back.

 **== >Dave: Be Karkat**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat decides to play good guy and helps Dave out a bit with his meetings.

_  
Thith ithn’t funny, KK. We’re not gonna die.  
Hah, not going to die my ass. Look, Captor, we’re on a fucking meteor-asteroid thing. Alternia is gone.  
Tho? That doethn’t mean we’re going to die.  
…Yes it does, Sol.   
_

**== >Karkat: Be the Good Guy**

You would kill him. That stupid little nubfucker hadn’t answered any of your calls ( _”Dave Strider, you stupid shit sponge, answer the fucking phone! This is important you douche fucker!”_ ) and it was almost time for that moron’s meeting. What were the names of the people you were meeting with? Ah, who cares, you couldn’t remember anyway. Yeah, they were important to this club, but you really didn’t give a shit.

They were meeting Dave, not you. Well, at this rate, they’d be meeting with you and not Dave. Fuck, why did Dave have to choose today of all days to not answer his phone? What a douche bag. There was only so much you could do to cover for him. Okay, breathe, Karkat; what other way was there to contact him aside from his phone?

 _Pesterchum_ , of course. And you were just oh-so-fortunate that you had your laptop with you. And you were lucky you were able to hack into the closest wireless connection so you could see if that nubfucker was online. Okay, so it took a few minutes to fully hack into the wireless connection, but you still managed to sign into Pesterchum and oh look he was online. It was time to yell at him.

 _Of course_ , yelling at him was the best idea; why wouldn’t it be a good idea to yell at your friend when he doesn’t show up for shit? Jegus, it was the best idea ever. Who cared about the fucking consequences at this point? You don’t keep important people waiting, no matter what kind of shit you’re in. Jegus, and you thought Strider knew all of this.

Apparently he didn’t, and that just pissed you off even more. Okay, breathe, Karkat. Really, breathe. You were too angry you stopped breathing for a moment there. Whoops, Strider had warned you about that before, like… two years ago. Okay… you let out a breath before clicking on that stupid little chum icon next to _turntechGodhead_ , opening a new chat window.

You just hoped that Strider was at his computer and not wandering around his apartment like an ironic loser. You seriously weren’t in the mood for stupid games like that.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 13:50 –

CG: OKAY, FUCKASS.  
CG: YOU HAVE THIRTY SECONDS TO TELL ME WHY YOU AREN’T ANSWERING YOUR PHONE.  
CG: OR ANSWERING MY TEXTS.  
TG: whoa there sorry babe  
TG: i must have misplaced it  
TG: yeah it isnt in my pockets at all  
TG: or on my nightstand  
TG: my bad  
TG: care to tell me what youve been apparently frantically texting me and calling me for???  
TG: or do i need to guess until you get irritated enough with my shitty guesses that you just scream the answer at me??  
CG: I’LL SAVE MY SELF THE FUCKING TROUBLE THANKS.  
CG: HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN WHAT TODAY IS?  
CG: AND DON’T CALL ME BABE.  
TG: im gonna go with thursday  
TG: well if i cant call you babe what am i supposed to call you???  
TG: honey??? Darling???  
CG: FUCK YOU.  
CG: YOU WILL CALL ME BY MY NAME.  
CG: NONE OF YOUR SHITTY IRONIC PET NAMES.  
CG: BUT YES TODAY IS THURSDAY.  
CG: DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU HAD SCHEDULED FOR THIS THURSDAY?  
CG: IF YOU FORGOT I’M GOING TO PUNCH YOU THROUGH THIS COMPUTER SCREEN. DON’T TEST ME, STRIDER. I WILL FUCKING DO IT.  
TG: wait i know  
TG: shit i had that meeting with that sound dude didnt i?  
TG: the one at the club?  
TG: he was gonna set up all the wiring and shit right?  
TG: that interior decorating person is coming at the same time too  
TG: right???  
CG: DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER.  
CG: YOUR MEETING IS IN TEN MINUTES FUCKASS.  
CG: IT TAKES YOU FIFTEEN TO GET TO YOUR STUPID CLUB.  
CG: WAY TO GO SHIT FOR BRAINS.  
CG: YOU COULD HAVE QUITE POSSIBLY SCREWED YOURSELF OVER.  
CG: YOU’RE LUCKY I CAME TO YOUR STUPID CLUB TODAY IN CASE YOU FORGOT.  
CG: AND YOU’RE FUCKING LUCKY THAT I CAN HACK INTO THE FUCKING WIRELESS AROUND HERE SO I CAN TELL YOU TO GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE.  
CG: I CAN ONLY STALL FOR SO LONG.  
TG: ah shit youre the best kar  
TG: no seriously you are  
TG: i dont know what i would do without you  
CG: WITHOUT ME YOU’D PROBABLY BE ROTTING AWAY IN SOME DUMPSTER IN DOWNTOWN MANHATTAN.  
CG: AND DIRK WOULD PROBABLY BE GOD KNOWS WHERE.  
CG: CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY, DAVID STRIDER.  
TG: whoa david???  
TG: babe  
TG: its dave  
TG: i dont go by david  
TG: you know that  
CG: STOP CALLING ME BABE  
CG: JUST GET YOUR ASS TO THE CLUB ASAP  
CG: AND DON’T FORGET YOUR BLUEPRINTS  
CG: AND FIND YOUR PHONE  
CG: IDIOT.  
TG: yes yes i understand  
TG: i should be there in 30 minutes or so  
CG: NO LATER THAN 30 MINUTES OR I WILL SKIN YOU. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? THIRTY. FUCKING. MINUTES.  
TG: yes i get it  
TG: jeez babe stop talking and let me get ready  
CG: FUCK YOU  
TG: maybe later  
CG: GO TO HELL

Then, of course, you decided to block the little shitstain for continuing to call you babe over and over. But, unfortunately, you felt just a bit guilty after and decided to unblock him. You couldn’t leave him blocked forever, especially since if you did, he’d just bother you with texts until you unblocked him from Pesterchum.

Che, he was such a loser. You saw right through his cool kid act ( _”Really, Strider? You’re twenty-seven, drop the fucking cool kid act. I see through it, Dirk sees through it, and so does everyone else who isn’t a blithering idiot. Drop the fucking act.” ”No can do, babe. This is my thing. Aside from irony and sick beats, being a cool kid is my thing. Who cares if I’m twenty-seven?”_), yet he still put it up. You know it was a habit that stemmed from a trust thing. He had told you that once you guys got close enough where he could trust you.

Close enough meaning after six months of dating. Six months of dating happened to be three months ago. Wait, you two had been dating for nine months already? Welp, time flew, you supposed.

Wait, weren’t you just ranting at said boyfriend? Er… the guy who you happened to be dating. You hated to use the term “boyfriend”. It was an unexplainable thing, but Dave understood, thankfully.

Three minutes until this stupid meeting. God you hoped Dave was on his way. Your phone suddenly screamed at you (literally, screamed. Dave had played with your phone again and set your message tone to something _”that sounds a bit more like you, babe. You’re always angry, you need an angry ringtone.”_ ). You jumped, not that you would admit you jumped at the sudden tone, and quickly silenced your phone by looking at the message. Ah, speak of the devil.

 _  
we’re on our way. by we i mean me and the glorified brat and the glorified brats little friend. see you soon babe   
_

You growled, a bit angrily at the use of the word “babe” and quickly sent a text back. Fucking Strider…

 _  
DON’T CALL ME BABE, FUCKASS.   
_

You didn’t mean it, of course; it was like a cliché romcom whenever Dave called you babe, so you didn’t mind. You only minded when he overused the pet name to the point it was irritating. Which was something he did a lot. As in, more than he should.

Just as you slipped your phone into your pocket, right on time, Dave’s meeting walked in. Why had he scheduled both meeting at the same time on the same day was beyond you, but hey, the guy was a bit strange. You were instantly on your feet, your laptop shut as soon as the door had opened. Wait, hadn’t Dave scheduled two meetings…? Why was only one guy here?

Though, this guy seemed a little… odd. Socially awkward, odd. After all, who wore glasses with one red lens and one blue lens? Those were like old-style 3D glasses, weren’t they? What kind of weirdo wore those, and in public? He was dressed… almost casually, which didn’t strike you as odd, but you were definitely expecting something a little more professional-looking.

Obviously the guy caught you staring, since he raised an eyebrow at you. Whoops.

“Are you Dave Thtrider?” he asked. Oh god he had a lisp. The lisp seemed familiar to you, but you heard plenty of people with lisps… sort of. Okay, throughout college you had a classmate who had a lisp, and he was in almost all of your classes, but he looked nothing like this guy. You shook your head in response.

“No, but I work with Strider frequently. I’m his partner, of sorts, Karkat Vantas.” Ugh, you hated to be so professional; it felt almost unnatural to you to not curse this guy out as you spoke to him. You were doing this for Dave; you could do this. No matter how unnatural it felt. “Strider should be here soon; he ran into some trouble.” You said. What a fucking lie. Not like this guy knew you were lying and Dave just forgot about the meeting.

“That’th fine. Any ideath on how long it’ll be before he geth here?” you realized you hadn’t caught this guy’s name yet.

“Shouldn’t be too long. Maybe fifteen minutes, twenty at the most.” Your reply was curt; whoops, you weren’t trying to be an ass. Dave told you not to be an ass to people who were important to the club. “So, uh… I didn’t catch your name.” wow, now this was awkward. Suddenly, you wished Dave was already here so you didn’t have to be.

“Tholluckth Captor.” It took all your self control to not start laughing. The guy couldn’t even say his own name, thanks to his lisp. Poor guy, though not really. You didn’t actually feel bad for him, you only pretended to. You knew it wasn’t his fault that he had a lisp, but what a cruel fate, to have a name like Sollux when you had a lisp.

“Right, Sollux… so are you the sound guy or the decorator guy?” you questioned. It was nice to strike up conversation, right? You were sure it was a nice thing to do. You were also sure it was one of the things Dave told you to do, but you couldn’t be damned to remember.

“I’ll be thetting up Mr. Thtrider’th thound thythtem once he tellth me what he’th planning for thith place.” Sollux replied. You swore you were going to die from holding in your laughter. You knew you were going to hell for this, you just knew it. Oh well, you were thoroughly amused by the way this guy, Sollux, spoke.

You ignored the familiarity of the guy’s lisp and even his name. So what if it sounded like you had heard it before? Yeah it was probably really fucking uncommon, but still. Karkat wasn’t the most common name either.

“Alright, so you’re the sound guy. Strider will probably be more pleased that you got here before the decorating guy. The sound is more important to him than the actual decoration.” So striking up conversation wasn’t as hard as it seemed once you got past the awkward conversation starter. Sollux seemed to agree.

“The wiring ith more difficult to do, compared to throwing paint around everywhere. Thetting up everything will have to be done before the actual decorating, ath well.” You nodded. You had to admit, Sollux was right. There was no point in decorating the place if Sollux would just have to take things apart to do all the wiring.

Of course, as you went to agree with Sollux and continue this conversation, you phone screamed. Again. You wanted to die in humiliation as Sollux began to snicker. You looked at the message, shutting up the phone. You would kill Dave, you swore it.

 _  
who showed up first? sound or decorating?   
_

Okay, no use of the word “babe”. That meant Dave had handed the phone off to Dirk and had him type. You typed in a quick reply.

 _  
SOUND. THE GUY’S NAME IS SOLLUX CAPTOR. BEWARE, HE HAS A FUCKING LISP.   
_

“Uh, sorry about that… Strider likes to change my ringtone on me and I just forget to change the fucking thing.” Whoops, you accidentally said fuck. Sollux didn’t seem to care all that much, thankfully.

“It’th no problem.” Sollux almost seemed bored with everything. Why did that frustrate you so much? You ignored it, completely prepared for Dirk’s reply to you text.

 _  
alright well bro is pulling into the lot now. he says let this sollux guy know.   
_

“Hey, Strider just pulled in.” you took on an almost grumpy tone as you relayed the information to Sollux. Sollux only nodded in response, which irritated you even more. Your phone was curtly shoved into your pocket and you leaned against the bar that Dave had gotten put in two weeks before. As soon as the door opened, you glared at the apathetic blonde who walked in.

Wow, rude. Although you didn’t mind the fact that he walked right over to you to place a chaste kiss on your lips (along with a _”Hey, babe. Sorry I’m late.”_ ), you could tell that he made a horrible first impression on Sollux.

Way to fuck this up already, Strider. Way to fucking go.

 **== >Karkat: Be Dave**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2/12 trolls re-introduced~! :D No worries about Dave and KK's relationship; that's for myself. Sometime it'll become Dave/John and Sol/Kar. :3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave's meeting begins and Karkat is a grump

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guuuuuuuuuuuys <3 thanks for almost 900 hits! <3 u//////u this chapter is just a biiiiiiiit longer than the last two.

_  
Dave, you know you’re my best friend, right?  
Of fucking course, dude. I’m not stupid, just ironic.  
Haha, just making sure.  
What’s got you so paranoid?  
E-eh? Ehehe, nothing at all!  
If you say so, man.   
_

==>Dave: Meet the Important People

You were late. Well, you already knew that, but fuck, you felt bad this time. You didn’t _mean_ to leave Karkat all alone to start your meeting for you. What kind of a douche bag did that to their own boyfriend? Apparently, a douche bag like you. Welp, looks like you’d have to make it up to Karkat later. Maybe an ironic candle-lit dinner? You’d figure it out later. Right now, you were more focused on getting to your club to take the irritation of a meeting off of Karkat’s shoulders.

You ignored the chattering bald, talking monkeys in the back as you drove. Wait, did you just demote Jake and Dirk from glorified brats to talking bald monkeys? Why yes, yes you did. And you didn’t regret it at all, because they couldn’t hear you thinking, which just made everything easier for you.

You still felt bad about forgetting your meeting, though. And you felt bad that Karkat had to remind you about it. You hated feeling bad because _Striders didn’t feel guilt_ , or so you always told yourself and taught Dirk but hey, that was another story, right? Right, of course it was.

You took a quick glance into your rearview mirror; Dirk and Jake’s talking had quieted down to mere whispering, and it made you a bit suspicious. Okay, so you couldn’t hide the small smile tugging at your lips seeing them holding hands. You wouldn’t tease Dirk about this just yet; you still wanted him to come to you about it first before you continued to tease him about his “not relationship” with Jake.

As ironically adorable as your brother and his not-boyfriend were being, you didn’t have any qualms about interrupting the moment by throwing your phone at Dirk. You could almost hear the mental hiss coming from the fifteen year old. Heh, how funny.

“The fuck, Dave?” he questioned you. You sighed; you had hoped Dirk would understand what you were aiming at by throwing the phone at him. You obviously wanted him to contact Karkat to see if anyone had shown up yet. Well, it was three after three already, and you were still a good seven minutes away and _yes you were driving the speed limit_.

“Text Karkat, little man.” You replied. “I need to know who arrived first for the meetings I scheduled. Just tell me what you text him and what he says.” You can hear Dirk grumble a bit before cooperating and texting Karkat. You wait for him to tell you what he wrote. Still a good five minutes away.

“Alright, I said, “who showed up first? sound or decorating?”. Happy? And don’t call me little man.” Dirk replied. You nodded in approval.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” You replied. You hoped Karkat would be fast to reply. Eh, who were you kidding? As soon as his phone screamed at him, Karkat was on a text like white on rice, if only to make the phone shut up. One of the better uses for changing Karkat’s ringtone, you decided.

On cue, your phone chirped, signaling a message. Like a good Strider, Dirk recited Karkat’s message to you.

“Karkat says _“Sound. The guy’s name is Sollux Captor. Beware, he has a fucking lisp.”_ I don’t get it, what’s so bad about the guy having a lisp?” Dirk questioned, raising a brow. You shook you head a bit.

“Kar has a bit of trouble keeping his shit together when he doesn’t expect something to happen and it happens. He’ll either scream or go into a laughing fit. Sometimes both. He’s probably trying his hardest to keep his shit together and not laugh at the poor guy.” You replied. Whoops, were you going fifteen miles above the speed limit? No, of course not. Either way, you were almost at the club. It had only taken you fifteen minutes or so.

You let Dirk hold onto your phone; you were going to have him tell Karkat when you guys arrived so he could let Sollux know. Sollux… what a weird name. You hoped the guy wasn’t as weird as his name was; that would just be… ironic. No, not ironic. Wait, would it be? Great, now you confused yourself. Fucking joy. Let’s hope that your confusion didn’t keep you confused enough to fuck up this meeting even more.

“Oh right, I forgot that your boyfriend was an asshole who laughs at other people.” Heh, and suddenly, you could hear the Southern drawl, as soft as it was, come from Dirk. So he _hadn’t_ completely manage to get rid of it like he claimed. You knew he was a little liar. Not like you had much room to talk, though you had suppressed yours enough that you could “turn it on or off” to your mood. It was one of those weird things you liked to do, you guessed.

Plus, Karkat always enjoyed it when you threw him for a loop and spoke in that Southern drawl that he would never admit he loved (but you knew better; he always got more clingy and pathetic when you turned into that supposed Southern gentleman). Oh, right, speaking of…

“Dirk, can you text Kar and tell him I’m pulling into the club now? And to let Sollux know?” By the time he got the text, you’d be pulling into your parking space (literally, _your_ space. You even had a sign that said “reserved for Dave fucking Strider” in front of it). You were satisfied when you heard Dirk’s fingers tapping against the keys on your phone. He was such a good listener sometimes.

You knew Karkat wouldn’t reply to that text, but you didn’t want to just walk in without letting him know. That would probably earn you a swift punch in the gut, and Karkat was stronger than he looked. Despite being short, Karkat was pretty strong. You guessed his strength made up for his lack of height.

It didn’t take long for you to pull into your designated space, turn off the vehicle, jump out, and head inside. Of course you looked calm as you walked in. You’d face Karkat’s wrath later, which would most likely turn into what Karkat has called sloppy makeouts. You never understood what a sloppy makeout was exactly, but you never complained. They were always enjoyable.

As soon as you opened the door to your club, you saw Karkat turn to you and the clear irritation in his expression. Oh, wait. He was glaring at you. Well, you had to get rid of that glare marking up your boyfriend’s face, so like any good boyfriend, you made your way over to the short grump leaning against the already-installed bar.

“Hey, babe. Sorry I’m late.” You murmured before kissing him clear on the lips, just a peck though. Oh, was that a squeak you heard come from the almighty Karkat Vantas? You’d tease him about that later. And by tease, you meant… no, you meant tease. It was too easy (and fun) to tease Karkat. You parted from Karkat after a few seconds and turned towards your guest, Sollux.

Okay, so he was a bit strange. Those glasses… wait were his shoes mismatched? Yeah, they were definitely mismatched. One white shoe and one black, wow okay yeah this guy was weird. But he was also the best at his job and you didn’t care how weird he was as long as the job got done.

You turned to Sollux, keeping your arm thrown over Karkat’s shoulders. The grumpy fucker would just have to deal with it. Sollux didn’t look phased at all by the little display you put on for him with Karkat, though Karkat certainly looked mortified. Meanwhile, Dirk and Jake had just decided to enter the club. Jake looked hesitant as ever, but Dirk looked just as calm as you did.

“Sollux Captor, right?” you asked, looking at the man who was supposedly going to do the wiring in your club. He nodded.

“That would be me. I’m guething that you’re Dave Thtrider?” oh, there was the lisp that Karkat had warned you about. Luckily you were the master of the pokerface and weren’t affected by the lisp at all.

“That’s me. I see you’ve already met my dear partner Karkat, so that saves me an introduction.” You didn’t bother to introduce Dirk or Jake. They were old enough to introduce themselves if they wanted to. They weren’t little kids. Karkat was just an exception. “Anyways, let’s get this meeting started--”

Okay, maybe your meeting with Sollux wasn’t going to happen right away, seeing as some other person just walked into your club. Oh, gog, who the hell was this? You hoped it was the decorator, but the hipster style kind of threw you for a loop. Oh, and that obviously bleached streak in his hair that he dyed purple. Like, really? Did he think he looked cool or something?

“Oh, gog, not _you_.” Hipster guy was looking right at Sollux, clearly irritated. So mister hipster knew Sollux? Well, this was going to prove to be entertaining, or at least you hoped it would be. Either way, you decided that it would be a good idea to hop onto a bar stool and pull Karkat onto your lap, despite his flailing. Yeah, it was probably not the smartest or safest idea, but you hadn’t seen Karkat in days and so what if you liked holding him?

“Oh fuck my life.” Oh yes, definitely amusing. “Who the fuck let you come here, Ampora?” You could almost see red and blue crackling around Sollux, but that was just your imagination making things more fun for you.

“Shut your glubbin’ trap, Captor. I’m guessin’ that you’re the other meetin’ that’s goin’ on?” Hipster guy sniffed almost in disdain. “Wwell ain’t that just fuckin’ peachy? The guy I hate most I havve to wwork wwith.” Wait was this guy doubling his W’s and V’s? And did he say ‘glubbin’? Jegus this guy was weirder than the first guy.

“It ithn’t _my_ fault that your betht friend ith dating _me_ and not _you_ , you thtupid thea-lover.” Ohhhh now it was starting to make a bit of sense. Seemed as though hipster had a crush on his best friend who happened to be dating Sollux. Heh, this would definitely be fun.

“Hey don’t bring Fef into this, you lispin’ fucktard.” Oh, right, you still hadn’t gotten hipster’s name, aside from what you could assume was his surname.

“Ladies, ladies, break it up. We have a meeting to start, don’t you remember?” You still hadn’t let go of Karkat. Sollux and the hipster broke up their little argument about you didn’t even know and looked at you. “Okay, hipster guy with the stupid purple streak,” Sollux snickered at that. “What’s your name, exactly?”

“Eridan Ampora. You’re Dave Strider I’m guessin’?” Oh, wow, okay. A name like Eridan wasn’t much better than hipster. But you at least had the decency to call the guy by his rightful name.

“Yeah, that’s me. This,” here you pointed to Karkat, who was still seated on your lap. “Is my partner, K--” Okay. Yeah, that’s cool. Karkat totally just cut you off. Whatever, saved you the trouble of introducing him, you know?

“I can speak for myself, asshole. The name is Karkat Vantas. Call me anything but that, and my foot will be so far up your ass you can taste your own shit, understood?” you snickered a bit and pressed your lips against Karkat’s shoulder to hide your smile. The look of pure _shock_ on Sollux and Eridan’s faces was priceless, especially the one on Sollux’s. You guessed that Karkat had been semi-pleasant to Sollux until he heard how the guy went at Eridan.

“So, shall we start this meeting?” you asked, as if Karkat hadn’t just threatened your guests. They only nodded and moved to the bar, sitting as far away from each other as possible, all while sitting as close to you as they dared. It was almost as if they thought Karkat was going to bite them. Well, he _did_ have a thing for biting… when he was in the right mood, that was. Hehe, not that you didn’t enjoy his biting moods.

You moved one set of blueprints over to Sollux, the blueprints that explained the sound set up you were looking to do, and one set to Eridan, that showed the color scheme he was allowed to work with as well as certain patterns. You would wait until one of them said something to actually begin this meeting, and no, you weren’t going to let Karkat get off your lap unless he needed to use the bathroom (load gaper as he called it, for some reason), no matter how much he pouted.

“Tho, if I underthtand correctly, what you’re trying to do ith make pretty much one whole wall a large thpeaker to keep thpace mackthimized all while giving you the ability to play your thick beath?” Wow, okay, Sollux understood you perfectly, even if you could barely understand him through his lisp. Okay, you mostly understood him.

“Indeed I am. Think you can make it happen?”” Sollux almost looked offended that there was any doubt in your mind that he couldn’t.

“Of courthe I can. I’ll jutht need to call in thome help with the conthtruction of it. Any idea on which wall you want to make the thpeaker?” Sollux already seemed to be going through the wiring plan in his head. You were impressed, okay.

“It doesn’t matter to me, whichever wall will work best with the wiring. I’ll leave that in your hands.” You replied. Oh, Karkat had given up on getting out of your grip already, that’s good.

“Ath for the lighth, ith that a dithco ball or a thtrobe light?”

“…..They don’t make disco balls that light up like a strobe light?”

“No, I don’t think they do. If you’re going for lighth that’ll continuouthly thpin around while thending colorth everywhere, I thuggetht uthing _thethe_.” Sollux pulled up a picture on a netbook he had brought with him (when did he take that out and hack into the surrounding wi-fi?) and oh those were nice.

“Not bad, Captor. Get them in red and white and it sounds fucking perfect.” You replied. Yes, you liked those lights, and matched with your speaker-wall, your club would be fantastic. Not that it wasn’t going to be already.

“I’m surprised you haven’t demanded a smoke machine yet.” You heard Karkat grumble. Oh, now that would be fun. Maybe you’d invest in one of those, too.

“Sounds like a good idea, babe. You have some good ideas.” You said, and you felt Karkat’s twitch at the use of the word babe. Heh, that was always fun.

“Tho, thould I call in thothe favorth thometime thoon tho I can get thtarted on that wiring?” Sollux asked. You nodded in response.

“Hey, do you have Pesterchum? I’ll need a way to contact you if anything changes, and I seem to lose my phone a lot.” Ouch; Strider ribs, meet Vantas elbow.

“Yeah, it’th twinArmageddonth. You can both add me if you need to, I don’t really mind.” You nodded and stored that information away for later. Sollux would be getting a Chum Request later when you got home before you forgot.

“Sounds good, man.”

“If you’re done talkin’ to the fincess,” oh gog another sea reference? Really? “I noticed you havve a lot of red in your color scheme. Mind if I make a suggestion?” Eridan pulled out a binder with a bunch of paint samples in it.

“Go for it.”

“Okay, instead of red, since that’ll just blend in with those lights you’re havvin’ put in, I suggest goin’ wwith a darker red, almost a cardinal red color. It’ll stand out less and look a lot better than just bright fuckin’ red.” Okay, so maybe Ampora knew his shit.

“Sounds good to me.” You stated, looking at the color he was pointing out in his big book of colors. You had to admit, it looked a lot better than the color you had in mind.

“Then I wwas thinkin’ of this,” Eridan pulled out a piece of paper from his knapsack and sketched what looked like a gear with ten prongs. “Behind your DJ set up in a red-orange color. I can design wwhat the final outcome wwill look like and send it to you wwhen I’m done wwith it.” Hey, now that sounded easier than trying to imagine what Eridan was talking about.

“Sounds good. Pesterchum?” you were already bored with this meeting.

“Yeah, my chumhandle is caligulasAquarium. It shouldn’t take too long to design the final outcome.” Eridan slipped the gear design into his knapsack once again.

“Well, if everything is settled, then this meeting is over.” You decided. You were bored of looking at this place without anything in it. “You ladies can expect chum requests tonight.” Would it be cliché to say you wanted them to leave so you could just head home, dragging Karkat with you (even if he fought you) so you could have sloppy makeouts?

Eh, who cares if it was?

You watched as Eridan and Sollux left, as their argument about Sollux’s girlfriend continued. Oh boy, they were definitely amusing. Once the door shut, and you noticed Dirk and Jake playing with the outdated pinball machine you had bought on a whim for some reason, you placed a soft kiss to Karkat’s neck; how cute, the grump was scowling (it looked more like pouting to you) again.

“Sloppy makeouts later, babe?” you asked quietly.

“You’re a fuckass.” He replied. You took that as a yes.

 **== >Dave: Sloppy Makeouts **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3/12 trolls re-introduced! :) Was Eridan predictable? Haha~


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave strains his relationship with Karkat, though he quickly fixes that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, holy shit, thank you guys so muck for the 1200+ hits! <3 I love you all, and though this chapter is shorter than the previous one (by roughly 900 words) and very heavy in dialogue, I hope you'll enjoy it. <33

_  
Keep it up, Strider, and my foot will meet your waste chute so fucking—   
_

_  
Wow, you’re certainly more pissy today than usual, Karkles.   
_

_  
I swear to fucking gog don’t fucking test me!   
_

_  
Alright, short-stuff, chill the fuck out.   
_

_  
STRIDER--!   
_

==>Dave: Be a Strider

Yes, sloppy makeouts were definitely in order. You couldn’t resist the siren’s song that was sloppy makeouts; or, at the very least, you couldn’t resist kissing Karkat. That was always the best, and from the looks of things, Karkat was looking forward to the sloppy makeouts as well. Even if he didn’t outright admit it, you knew Karkat loved the sloppy makeout sessions.

Once you safely pulled into your space at your apartment complex (you had upgraded to a nicer apartment when Dirk turned eight since he was always complaining, plus you liked having your own room. Sleeping on a futon in the living room sucked), Dirk and Jake were instantly headed up to the apartment. Probably to play more shitty video games, since they hadn’t reached “sloppy makeouts” tier. Hell, they weren’t even close to that tier; they were probably more around “shy pecks” tier.

Once Dirk and Jake were clearly out of sight and in the building (probably at the elevator already), you pulled Karkat right to you. So you were still in the car; so what? You had gone far too long (okay, a week, but still) without proper Karkat love. Wait, was love the right word, since he was always so violent? Yeah, love was just fine of a word. It sounded odd when paired with Karkat, but you didn’t really care.

“Hey, what the hell are you doi--” you cut Karkat off with a kiss. Oh, how mean; Karkat was trying to push you away. You pulled away a bit, brow raised over your shades. “You’re such a fuckass!”

“Love you too, babe.” Karkat rolled his eyes. His eyes; you had always loved them. They were as red as your own, though he didn’t hide his like you hid yours. You loved that about Karkat; he wasn’t ashamed of his eyes, unlike you. His red eyes looked perfect on him, mixed with the pale skin and black hair. The bags under his eyes were charming as well. But you? You thought you were a freak, with your pale blonde hair and blood red eyes.

Yes, the red eyes suited Karkat perfectly; the easily enraged Cancer was perfectly suited for those fiery, and, dare you say it, passionate red eyes. Wow, when did you turn into such a sap? Or so descriptive about fucking _eyes_? You couldn’t even use the excuse that it was Karkat. Fuck, you were losing your coolkid persona. But you couldn’t help it… they just looked so perfect on him and so… _wrong_ on you.

 

“You’re thinking about it _again_.” And of course, Karkat read you like a book. “Dave, you’re not a fucking freak. So what if your eyes are fucking red? So the fuck are mine.” Karkat nearly snarled. “Everyone thinks you’re wearing gog damn contacts anyway when they happen to see your eyes.”

 

“Babe--”

 

“No, shut up, Strider. You’re always fucking putting yourself down because of your fucking eyes and I’m sick of it. Do you know how much I hate hearing that you hate even a small part of you? It makes me fucking sick.” You blinked. Karkat wasn’t screaming at you, but he was seething. You don’t think in all the years you’ve known Karkat, he’s ever been this angry with you.

 

“Kar--” you were cut off once again.

 

“Listen closely, Dave, because I’m only going to say this fucking _once_ ; I love your eyes. They may look weird and stupid to you, but I think they’re fucking amazing. Who fucking cares what color they are; they’re a part of who you are. Understand me, Strider?” You only nodded, and suddenly, you found yourself comparing your situation to one of Karkat’s silly romcoms.

 

“Yeah, I understand, Kar.” And just this once, you let a genuine smile grace your lips. Those smiles were reserved only for Karkat. Now you definitely sounded like a sap.

 

“Good, now let’s go into your apartment, go to your room, and put in _Sixteen Candles_.” You chuckled and pulled Karkat into you again, pressing your lips to the top of his head. Why did you have to go and fall for the biggest sap you’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting? You didn’t really care if Karkat was a big sap; watching his stupid romcoms always ended well for you.

 

“Not starting with _Sleepless in Seattle_ this time?” you teased. So this time you couldn’t hide the wince when Karkat elbowed you in the ribs again. Big deal, it was just you two anyway. “Okay okay, no need to abuse me. What did I do to deserve such an abusive boyfriend?” Karkat scowled.

 

“I don’t abuse you all that much, Strider.” Karkat pulled away from you to get out of the car. You shook your head, pokerface back into place, as you got out as well, locking the doors as soon as you were both out and the doors were shut. Despite having such a short temper, Karkat calmed down relatively quickly. You made your way over to him, throwing your arm over his shoulder with relative ease seeing as he was a good head shorter than you.

 

“Yeah, yeah. So have you already decided that you’re going to make a copious amount of popcorn with even more copious amounts of butter that’ll go along with this romcom cry-fest you’ve planned?” you narrowly managed to miss getting hit by Karkat’s elbow. “Hey, now that one was unnecessary.”

 

“Shut up, Strider. Of course I’m going to make a fucking huge amount of popcorn and I’m going to fucking drown it in butter. Jegus, you think you’d know me better after nine months of dating, you fuckass.” You chuckled a bit.

 

“I know you pretty well, Karkles. You _did_ just confirm that you would be making too much popcorn for a romcom marathon liked I asked. I think I know you pretty well.” Yes there were still things you didn’t know about Karkat (such as who his roommate was, since he didn’t want to move in with you just yet, saying _”Nine months isn’t long enough to have been dating before moving in together! That happens after one year and six months.”_ though he did frequently stay over for a few days at a time) but you still thought you knew him pretty well.

 

“Yeah, whatever. Wait, cry-fest?! I do not _cry_ when we watch romcoms! You’re insane.” You scoffed at that one. Karkat, not cry during a romcom? Right, yup. Karkat _never_ cried during romcoms, just as icicles existed in the Sahara desert. Yup. “What? I don’t!”

 

“Kar, babe, you sobbed like a baby during _The Princess Bride_ when Wesley found out that Buttercup was engaged to Prince Humperdink.” You grinned a bit, seeing red quickly rise to Karkat’s cheeks and ears. He was so pathetic sometimes and you couldn’t help but pity him. “So, yes, you do cry during romcoms. Deny it again, and I’ll come up with another example.”

 

“Fuck you!”

 

“Now, is that in invitation, babe?”

 

“Grah!”

 

You only chuckled as you and Karkat made your way inside the building and to the elevator. No, you didn’t push Karkat up against the wall and kiss him. You had more restrain than that—no you didn’t, because why else would your tongue be in Karkat’s mouth at this moment? Right, if you had more control, it wouldn’t be. Thankfully, you two were alone in the elevator, and your apartment was on the fifth floor.

 

 _Ding_.

 

That was the second floor. For some reason, the elevator always made a dinging noise whenever you hit a new floor. You ignored the next two dings in favor of your tongue getting reacquainted with every part of Karkat’s mouth. Seemed as though the grump didn’t mind so much, which definitely pleased you. Just as your hand crept under Karkat’s shirt, the stupid elevator dinged again.

 

Maybe you could distract Karkat during _Sixteen Candles_ to continue this little moment. Actually it would be all too easy to distract him, but you were up for a bit of a challenge. Maybe you’d wait until the middle of the movie to make your move.

 

You and Karkat left the elevator, Karkat heavily flushed (he always did turn red easily) and you the epitome of cool, as usual.

 

“Might want to calm down there a bit, babe. Dirk will know we were up to something, not like he doesn’t already expect it.” You stated, earning you a punch to your spine. It was a weak punch, but still _ow_. You’ve been told before that you bruise easier than a peach, though you had always hated that comparison. Either way, you’d probably have a Karkat-fist-shaped bruise on your spine tomorrow. “Enough with the punching, jeez.”

 

“Stop saying things that make me want to punch you, then, fuckass.” Was Karkat’s reply. You shook you head as you stopped in front of your apartment. The door opened easily, since Dirk hadn’t bothered to lock it, having knowing you were coming up relatively soon. So, you made your way into the apartment to find that Dirk and Jake weren’t playing the same shitty game they were playing before you left, but had put in Mario Kart instead.

 

“Finally decided to get your asses upstairs, Bro?” Dirk questioned, completely focused on keeping Princess Peach on the track. He always chose Peach for some reason. Not like you had any room to talk, since you always chose Daisy.

 

“Hey, cool it, little man. Kar and I were talking, and now we’re going to make popcorn.” You retorted. Karkat shook his head and made his way into the kitchen, already knowing where the popcorn and butter were located. You didn’t really care, since you had a headlock to give Dirk (which would ultimately let Jake win the race).

 

“And then watch shitty romcoms in your room while Karkat cries his eyes out and ultimately drowns in his own tears, where you have to miraculously save him and give him CPR with your tongue being down his throat all while molesting him.” Oh, was that a bowl shattering you heard? Apparently Karkat didn’t appreciate Dirk's ironically accurate assumption. “What, you didn’t think I knew about your shitty romcom cry-fest dates?”

 

“Wow, rude Dirk. That one stung, little man” You said, clutching your chest and feigning hurt. “But yes, we are going to have one of our romcom dates. So you know what that means, little man.”

 

“Yeah yeah, do not disturb because I might walk in on something I’d rather not walk in on.” The kid learned fast after having walked in on a pretty intense sloppy makeout session where Karkat’s shirt had gone missing and you had one hand down his pants (meaning his briefs since the pants were mysteriously gone) and the other in his hair rubbing his scalp in one very specific spot that seemed more sensitive than any other spot on his upper body. It was strange, but he seemed to enjoy it, which was fine with you.

 

“Yeah you learned well after that one time, didn’t you?”

 

“I saw more of your boyfriend, and you, then I ever wanted to in my life that day.” Dirk replied. Soon after Dirk finished his sentence, meaning two seconds later, the microwave beeped, signaling the popcorn was done. You shook your head in amusement as Dirk remembered the horror of seeing Dave’s ass – not that he had a bad ass. According to Karkat, Dave had a fantastic ass. It was just that the fifteen year old hadn’t wanted to see his twenty-seven year old brother’s naked ass on top of a nearly naked red-eyed grump. Though, the high-pitched shriek had been exceptionally funny… but you still weren’t sure if it was worth the total loss of a boner (despite the fact that you lost that hard-on pretty fast, as did Karkat, you both managed to get them back with a few expertly placed bites and kisses and finished what you started). “Heard more than I wanted to, too. You should get your room fucking sound-proofed.”

 

“Hey no one said you had to stay in the apartment. You could have gone out and chilled somewhere with Jake. You chose to stay here and listen to the sweet sounds of the romp waltz.” You replied, causing Jake to drive right off Rainbow Road. Whoops. Aww, the kid was bright red, how cute. “One day you’ll be creating your own sick beats with some lucky guy or girl and then you’ll make your own romp waltz.”

 

“When that day comes it won’t be as obnoxiously loud as yours. Jegus, you two don’t know how to lower the volume at all when you’re dancing to your fucking romp waltz. I really fucking wish you did, though, cause I did _not_ need to hear Karkat’s cries of _more, Dave! Ahh~ harder--” you almost laughed as Karkat cut off Dirk._

 

“Okay can you two please stop talking about mine and Dave’s fucking sex life and romcom dates? Jegus fucking Christ.” You chuckled this time, as Karkat came out of the kitchen, holding a big bowl of popcorn in his arms and aww his cheeks were bright red and so were his ears. “It’s not that fucking interesting of a topic. Now shut your fucking face holes and if this fucking romcom date is happening I suggest you get your fucking ass to your room, Dave, or I’m starting the fucking date without you.”

 

“Babe, it isn’t a date if you’re by yourself. If you’re by yourself, it’s just you crying hysterically into a bowl of popcorn like some teen chick who just got dumped by her first boyfriend or got stood up for her senior prom by the hottest guy in school. Then it’s just a pity party of one, and then it’s not fun at all. It’s more fun when I join you and make it a date which then becomes a sloppy makeouts session which develops into another lovely rendition of the romp waltz.”

 

“I’m going to kill you, Dave.”

 

You had never seen Karkat’s (or Jake’s) face so red before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No new trolls introduced, but one was hinted at! ;) I bet you all know who it is already, too! xD Sorry about everything being so dialogue heavy, but hopefully it was at least a bit amusing?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat speaks with two people while Dave absconds to the shower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh you guys, 1,600+ hits? You guys are fantastic, all of you, come to my bosom. <3

_  
You look sad, Karkitty. Is something wrong, purrhaps?  
Nothing is fucking wrong, Nepeta.  
Are you sure? It would simply be pawful if something was bothering you.  
I’m fucking sure.  
Well, I’m always here to talk if you need me, Karkitty. That’s what furrends are for, right?   
_

==>Karkat: Romcom Date

“Hey babe, I think I’m going to take a quick shower before we start this romcom love fest.” You looked up at Dave, raising a brow in confusion. Wouldn’t he have showered before the meeting? He couldn’t have possibly shown up without a shower; that was disgusting. “I didn’t get a chance to shower before the meeting, after all.” Oh, gross.

“That’s fucking disgusting, Dave. You showed up to a meeting without showering? That’s really fucking nasty. Please tell me you at least brushed your teeth, otherwise I might fucking vomit.” You really were disgusted. How could Dave not stand to shower, and before a meeting?! Oh, gog, you had been sitting on his lap earlier.

“I’m not _that_ gross, Kar. Of course I brushed my teeth. It won’t take long, so just get comfy and I’ll be out in like, twenty minutes.” You shook your head as Dave left the room. In any other circumstance (such as after sex when both of you were sticky and sweaty), you would have followed Dave into the bathroom to shower with him. After all, you loved the way Dave looked in the shower. The way his blonde hair slicked back, heavy with water, (toned) body glistening through the steam… yes, a wet Dave was a good Dave and you needed to stop thinking about your currently showering boyfriend before you got too excited.

You took the time to log into Pesterchum (on Dave’s computer, of course) to add Sollux and Eridan before you forgot. What did they say their Chumhandles were again? Twin something or other and someone’s Aquarium… Oh, right. You typed the two Chumhandles into the Chumrequest box, and checked who was online; only three people, it looked like and, oh, Sollux had already accepted the Chum request. That was fast. Eh, you had nothing to say to him, so you let him be.

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 14:46 –

AC: :33 *ac paws at her furrend carefurrly in an attempt to get his attention*  
CG: OH JEGUS NOT THE ROLE PLAYING SHIT, NEPETA  
CG: TYPE LIKE A HUMAN, PLEASE.  
AC: :33 you’re not fun, karkitty.  
AC: :33 you’re supposed to play along with it!  
AC: :33 but you haven’t been on lately  
AC: :33 are you still with dave purrhaps?  
CG: DEFINE WITH. WITH AS IN DATING HIM OR WITH AS IN AT HIS APARTMENT?  
AC: :33 both of course!  
CG: YES I AM STILL DATING HIM. AND I’VE BEEN AT MY APARTMENT FOR THE LAST FEW DAYS BUT OUR INTERNET WAS OUT.  
AC: :33 gamz33 was on though!! well he was for a while  
CG: HE WAS ONLY ON WHEN HE WAS OUT.  
CG: I’M AT DAVE’S NOW.  
AC: :33 aww you two are pawsitively pawdorable  
AC: :33 you two are at the top of my shipping list  
AC: :33 well in the top thr33 at least hehe~  
CG: WAS THERE A REASON FOR YOU TO MESSAGE ME?  
AC: :33 oh right!  
AC: :33 there was!  
AC: :33 uhh i furrgot what it was though  
AC: :33 sorry karkitty!  
AC: :33 i’ll text you when i remempurr!  
CG: WELL THIS WAS A WASTE OF TIME  
AC: :33 *ac wiggles her rear end a bit and gasps happily*  
CG: WHAT NOW?  
AC: :33 is anything new?  
CG: WHAT THE HELL, NEPETA? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?  
AC: :33 just trying to make conpurrsation, karkitty  
CG: I’M WAITING FOR DAVE TO GET OUT OF THE SHOWER, THAT’S WHAT.  
AC: :33 aww how cute  
AC: :33 does he sing in the shower?  
CG: NO HE  
CG: ……………………………………  
CG: SCRATCH THAT, YES HE DOES.

“ _My fantasy, hotter than Miami, I feel the heat,_ ” dear gog.

AC: :33 ohh what’s he singing?  
CG: INTERNATIONAL LOVE  
CG: I DON’T KNOW WHY.  
CG: I CAN’T MAKE HIM STOP.  
AC: :33 well you could, karkat.  
AC: :33 it would just mean you n33d to interrupt his shower  
AC: :33 hehe~  
CG: NOT GOING TO DO THAT.  
CG: I’LL LET HIM SING HIS STUPID SONG.  
CG: JEGUS FUCK.  
AC: :33 i think it’s pawtisively pawdorable that he’s singing in the shower  
AC: :33 oops! equius is here to help me study for my test tomorrow!  
AC: :33 bye karkitty!  
AC: :33 *ac purrs and stalks off to m33t with her furrend*

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 14: 59 –

You rubbed your forehead; sometimes, Nepeta really gave you a headache. You didn’t understand her at all, actually. All you really knew about her was that, aside from going to high school with her, she adored cats and wanted to be a vet (which was why she was still in school). You still considered her to be a good friend, though.

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 15:02 –

TC: hEy MoThErFuCkEr ArE yOu CoMiNg BaCk To ThE aPaRtMeNt ToNiGhT?  
TC: hOnK hOnK :o)  
CG: NO I’M STAYING AT DAVE’S TONIGHT.  
TC: sOuNdS mOtHeRfUcKiNg FuN bEsT fRiEnD :o)  
TC: aNy IdEa WhEn YoU’lL bE cOmInG bAcK?  
CG: IN A FEW DAYS.  
CG: DON’T DO ANYTHING ILLEGAL YOU WHIMSICAL PIECE OF SHIT.  
CG: I DON’T WANT TO GET CALLED BACK TO THE APARTMENT TO EXPLAIN SHIT LIKE LAST TIME.  
CG: I’LL STRANGLE YOU IF YOU GET THE COPS CALLED TO OUR APARTMENT AGAIN, GOT IT?  
CG: I’LL LET YOU GET ARRESTED THIS TIME.  
TC: hEy NoW mOtHeRfUcKeR tHaT iSn’T cHiLl At AlL :o(  
TC: yOu ShOuLd HeLp YoUr BeSt MoThErFuCkEr OuT wHeN hE nEeDs It  
CG: I HAVE BEFORE, GAMZEE.  
CG: BUT I CAN’T THIS TIME.  
CG: SO DON’T DO ANYTHING REMOTELY ILLEGAL OR WILL MAKE THE NEIGHBORS SUSPICIOUS THAT YOU’RE DOING SOMETHING ILLEGAL.  
CG: IT’S NEVER A FUN CONVERSATION.  
TC: yEaH yEaH i GoT iT i GoT iT  
TC: hAvE fUn WiTh YoUr MoThErFuCkEr HoNk HoNk :o)  
CG: YEAH I WILL NOW GO SLEEP OR SOMETHING.  
TC: yOu SeEm To ReAlLy LiKe ThIs GuY mY bRoThEr  
TC: wHeN wIlL yOu LeT mE mEeT tHiS mOtHeRfUcKeR?  
TC: i WaNt To SeE iF hE’s FiT tO bE mY bEsT mOtHeRfUcKeR’s MaN  
TC: hOnK hOnK :o)  
CG: UGH WHY DO YOU WANT TO MEET DAVE SO BAD? AND I THINK I CAN JUDGE IF DAVE IS GOOD FOR ME OR NOT. I’VE BEEN DATING HIM FOR NINE MONTHS, AND I’VE KNOWN HIM FOR YEARS.  
CG: WHY THE SUDDEN INTEREST IN MEETING MY BOYFRIEND?  
TC: i JuSt ToLd YoU mY bRoThEr  
TC: gOtTa MaKe SuRe He ReAlLy LoVeS yOu, YoU kNoW?  
TC: sOmEtImEs GuYs LiE tO gEt WhAt ThEy WaNt, YoU kNoW?  
CG: STOP TALKING. YOU’RE MAKING MY THINKPAN HURT.  
CG: LOOK, GAMZEE, YOU WHIMSICAL PIECE OF SHIT, I KNOW HOW DAVE FEELS ABOUT ME.  
CG: SO STOP RUNNING YOUR MOUTH AND GO FIND SOMETHING BETTER TO DO.  
TC: aLrIgHt BrO i GuEsS i JuSt HaVe To TrUsT yOu On ThIs OnE  
TC: mAyBe I’lL iNvItE tAvBrO oVeR aNd HaVe A fEeLiNgS jAm  
TC: hOnK hOnK :o)  
CG: DON’T MOLEST HIM THIS TIME.  
CG: YOU KNOW HE’S DATING THAT GIRL OBSESSED WITH SPIDERS AND THE NUMBER EIGHT.  
CG: IF YOU WANT TO BE WITH HIM, WAIT UNTIL THEY BREAK UP.  
CG: MOLESTING THE KID WON’T HELP YOUR CASE YOU DUMBSHIT.  
TC: hAhA i KnOw ThAt NoW, kAr  
TC: i DiDn’T kNoW hE hAd A gIrL lAsT tImE aNd He AlReAdY fOrGaVe Me  
TC: fUlLy PlAtOnIc ThIs TiMe  
TC: hOnK  
CG: YEAH OKAY, JUST MAKE SURE YOU KEEP IT PG.  
CG: WE DON’T NEED YOU TO BE DRAGGED TO COURT BECAUSE YOU’RE TOO HIGH OFF YOUR ASS TO REALIZE, OH, MAYBE I SHOULDN’T HAVE MY HAND DOWN TAVROS’ PANTS AND MAYBE I SHOULDN’T BE GRIPPING HIS COCK.  
CG: WIN HIM OVER, DIPSHIT.  
CG: IF I SO MUCH AS FIND OUT YOU TOUCHED THE POOR KID INAPPROPRIATELY, I WILL FUCKING STRANGLE YOU, GAMZEE.  
TC: hAhA nO wOrRiEs, OkAy?  
TC: tAlK tO yOu LaTeR mOtHeRfUcKeR  
TC: hOnK :o)

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 15:13 –

You had been best friends with Gamzee for as long as you can remember, though you don’t exactly know why. After all, he was stoned a lot, almost 24/7, and he was a wannabe musician. Oh, he also liked to paint his face like a juggalo’s, but to you, it looked more like a clown. A really fucking creepy clown. You still wouldn’t let Dave meet him, though. Not until Gamzee cooled down with his stupid drug addiction.

You swore you’d figure out some way to break that addiction.

“ _You put it down like New York City, I never sleep, wild like Los Angeles,_ ” no, he needed to stop and now. Well, the water wasn’t running anymore, so… why was he still singing? Not that Dave had a horrible singing voice (he was actually quite good), but whenever he sang mainstream songs, he purposely sang off-key to butcher the songs.

Usually you were amused by it, but hey, you kind of liked that song and now Dave had butchered it. You shook your head, logging out of Pesterchum since hey, Dave might be back in the room any minute. But thinking back, Nepeta had a pretty good idea about studying. After all, you had a test coming up soon as well. You never got a chance to study when you were at home as long as Gamzee was there, and normally, Gamzee was there.

You did have your laptop with all of your notes on it… maybe you’d have Dave quiz you later. As an aspiring geneticist, you needed all the knowledge you could get. You chose the wrong major in college, you decided, but you weren’t going to back down from the challenge of becoming a geneticist. Dave frequently poked fun at the fact you loved to study genetics (it stemmed from having red eyes, okay?) and called you a nerd, but all the same, you knew that he liked that you liked the challenge (you liked to think he looked up to you for that but who the hell were you kidding, really?).

Dave’s singing had developed into humming as he walked back into the room, a pair of loose sweats (okay they were made out of this jersey-like material, so they weren’t really sweats) hanging off his hips enough where you could see the boxers underneath. Welp, you hadn’t even noticed that he brought extra clothes into the bathroom with him.

“Hope you didn’t miss me too much.” The Strider stated before throwing himself onto the futon he had moved into his room. He still liked the futon since it was nice to curl up on when watching a movie and it folded out to make a bed, hence why he kept the thing. Not that you minded because, yeah, it was easier to curl up on for your romcom dates than a bed was. “What’d you get up to while I was gone?”

“Talked to Nepeta for a bit since she had something to ask me but forgot. G—my roommate messaged me asking if I was staying here tonight and I told him yeah and I wouldn’t be back for a few days.” You replied, grabbing your bowl of popcorn and sitting next to Dave. Shit, you had forgotten to put _Sixteen Candles_ in the DVD player. “I forgot to put the DVD in.”

“No worries, babe. It’s called Netflix for a reason. As long as it’s available for streaming, we don’t need the DVD.” You raised a brow. When did Dave get Netflix on his TV? Must have been when he decided that he needed a Wii in his room and decided that Netflix would be a good investment. “Ah where’d I put that wiimote?”

“You lost your controller?” you questioned. Okay, were you dating a DJ or an idiot? Sometimes you really wondered.

“No I didn’t, I just misplaced it—oh here it is.” And there was the wiimote, in Dave’s hand, which had fallen under the futon. Yes, your boyfriend was an idiot, you decided. “And now we can watch shitty romcoms without having to get up every 90 or so minutes to change the DVD.”

But he was your idiot, you settled, as you cuddled into Dave, despite how cliché and sappy it was. Fuck whatever Gamzee thought about Dave not loving you; Dave watched shitty romcoms with you despite hating them simply because you liked them. Gamzee didn’t know what he was talking about. As Dave clicked on _Sixteen Candles_ your hand found its way into the popcorn bowl.

Tonight would be a good shitty romcom date night, you decided as the movie started. It was already better, since Dave decided to remove his shades for once. You’d never let him know that you smiled a bit at the removal of the shades, but he probably already knew, the jerk. You felt a light press of lips to the top of your head, and suddenly, you didn’t actually care if Dave saw you smile or not. You decided to focus on the movie instead, all while shoving popcorn down your throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we're up tooooo... 5/12 trolls! :D Though Gamzee and Nepeta haven't actually come in yet, they did speak! :D And I couldn't get Nepeta's quirk to work properly, sigh.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A feelings jam occurs and a lot of things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeeeey I'm back and with a whole different turn from John/Dave, Dave/Kar or Sol/Kar. Fufufu have a chapter completely unrelated to the last five chapters.

_  
Hey, uh, Gamzee?  
Yeah, Tavbro?  
Why are you, nice to me? I mean, uh, not that I don’t, like it or anything.  
Well, why should I be mean to a motherfucker?  
It’s just, um, no one is ever this, nice to me…  
You’ve just been motherfucking hanging out with the wrong trolls then, my brother.   
_

==>Gamzee: Feelings Jam

You were staring at your phone, chewing your lip. You weren’t nervous, but you just… didn’t know what to say. Well, it was more like you didn’t know how to invite Tavros over without it sounding weird. Plus, even though he said he forgave you for that molestation incident last time he came over, you weren’t sure if he was comfortable hanging out with you again.

You really needed to take a hit right now, but you were trying to break this addiction (you knew how upset it made Karkat).

You sighed and just let your fingers do the talking. Your brain wasn’t really working at the moment.

hEy TaVbRo WaNnA hAvE a FeElInGs JaM tOdAy? :o)

Oh shit you sent it. Oh shit oh shit oh shit. What if he thought you were just inviting him over to molest him again (which you weren’t; you promised Karkat you wouldn’t)? Okay Gamzee, just calm the fuck down. If he didn’t want to, Tav would be nice about it. He wouldn’t freak out or flip his shit. You were the only one shit flipping at the moment and _oh shit there was the ring tone that told you he texted back_.

yEAH SURE, tHAT SOUNDS, nICE, vRISKA AND I HAD ANOTHER, fIGHT SO I COULD USE A FEELINGS JAM }:)

Okay, so he didn’t think you had an ulterior motive, which you didn’t. Wait, he and his girl had a fight? Maybe this was an opportinuity you could take to make Tavros yours. Though, wait, a fight didn’t necessarily mean they broke up (for the fifth time that month. Motherfucking on-and-off-again relationship), right?

i’Ll SeT uP tHe PiLe FoR tHiS fEeLiNgS jAm ThEn :o) CoMe On OvEr WhEnEvEr, KaR iS gOnE fOr A fEw DaYs HoNk

No, you didn’t start rushing around to find as many pillows as you could (Tavros liked pillows and stuffed animals more, since your first pile ended up huring his back. Horns hadn’t been your best idea) as well as blankets and stuffed animals that were lying around for your pile. You don’t really remember where the pile tradition started, but you enjoyed it.

aLRIGHT, i SHOULD BE, tHERE IN ABOUT TEN MINUTES MAYBE? 

Okay, so Tavros was closer than you thought he was. Which meant you had to move faster than you were. Okay you could do this.

Now where did Karkat keep the extra blankets and pillows again? It was in the hall closet, right? Right, of course it was. You were actually kind of… surprised at how much more clear you could think without drugs in your system (that didn’t mean you didn’t still crave it).

With as many blankets and pillows as you could carry (so what if you couldn’t see? Who needed vision anyways?), you made your way into the living room and piled everything upin front of the couch (good thing Karkat had just cleaned). Okay, that should be good. Wait, did you have any food (meaning did Karkat go shopping the other day)? Or anything to drink aside from water (okay you had Faygo in your room but Tavros wasn’t really fond of Faygo).

Eh, you’d figure that out later. Knowing Tavros, though, he probably had something in his backpack (assuming he had it with him). The kid never went anywhere without his water bottle, or at least he hadn’t for as long as you had known him, and you’ve known him since you were thirteen. Those had been pretty bad times for Tavros. Some kind of accident had landed him in a wheelchair for a long time, but after some surgery, healing and a lot of physical therapy, the kid was back on his feet and walking.

That wheelchair… you briefly wondered if Tavros had kept it. You knew those were hard times for Tavros. He was always bullied because he couldn’t defend himself, and those who didn’t bully him only pitited him. Barely anyone had helped him, except for you. You had hated the days Tavros was in a wheelchair, because he hated himself. He would always apologize to you for being so useless.

A knock on your door snapped you out of your thoughts about grade school and high school. Oh, Tavros was here and your pile was finished. Just in time, thankfully. You made your way to the door, tripping over a horn at one point (now how did that get out of your room?) and snickering a bit at the honk noise it made, you opened the door to find Tavros there, backpack slung over one shoulder, and a frown on his face instead of his usual smile.

“Hey Tavbro, that fight got a motherfucker feeling all down-like?” you questioned, letting Tavros in. A small huff escaped the Taurus as he threw his bag to the side and threw himself face-down into the pile Gamzee had made. “…I’ll take that as a motherfucking yes.” you flopped down on the couch, looking down at Tavros. Heh, from this angle, you could almost imagine a pair of bull horns coming from the sides of Tavros’ Mohawk. Well, where his Mohawk used to be. He had let the Mohawk grow out a bit into a regular haircut since he was getting tired of Mohawk upkeep.

Shame, you liked the Mohawk. A lot.

“So, wanna tell this motherfucker what your fight with your lady was about?” Tavros was taking up the entire pile with his current pity party of one. A groan sounded from the pile and oh good Tavros was still alive, brown eyes slightly dull, but also full of irritation and anger.

“Vriska is a bitch.” You noticed that whenever Tavros and Vriska fought, Tavros’s temper came out and he became a bit of a potty-mouth. Not as bad as you or Karkat, but he was a different person almost. Well, he at least called Vriska plenty of names. “She’s such a little control freak and just… argh!”

“Hey, now calm the motherfuck down. What exactly happened to make you come to this motherfucking conclusion?” you would have offered Tavros Faygo, but you’re pretty sure right now, that would wind up with your face shoved in the couch cushions.

“She has everything planned out down the second for the next three weeks. Gamzee, I can’t… I don’t know how much longer I can deal with her. She’s just, uh… really controlling lately. When she found out that I didn’t _stick to her schedule_ she flipped shit. I think she almost ripped my ear off then she found out I was hanging out with you off of her schedule.” Tavros groaned and let his head fall back into the pile.

“She has a motherfucking schedule?” you raised a brow at this. Huh, your face felt oddly bare why was—oh right, you didn’t bother to paint your face today. Weird, you’d have to change that later. Tav sighed and lifted his head, turning a bit on the pile to look at you.

“Yeah, she has a schedule. She’s making spend practically all my time with her. I barely have any time to breathe! Gamzee I’m going to go insane I’m pretty sure.” you watched as Tavros threw an arm over his eyes before he sat straight up, looking directly at you. “Oh, and get this! She’s trying to control who I hang out with. She told me I’m _banned_ from hanging out with you because she thinks you’re a bad influence.” Tavros let out a short laugh. “I’m going to die if this continues.”

“Whoa, calm the fuck down, Tavbro. You’re gonna get motherfucking hysterical on this motherfucker.” You were about to say something else, but Tavros’ phone chirped. Judging by the groan Tavros let out as he fell backwards, and the repeated chirps coming from the phone, it was speak of the spiderbitch. “Lemme see.” Tav silently handed you the chirping phone. You opened it and wow okay eight unanswered and unopened texts.

tavros nitram!!!!!!!! you 8etter not 8e ignoring me!

I 8et you’re with that weirdo gamzee

tav you didn’t pick up when i called you. so you _are_ with him!

didn’t i tell you _not_ to hang out with that stoner????????

you 8etter not 8e getting high with that asshole!

we’re through if anything happens!

i’m warning you!

don’t ignore me!

“Damn, motherfucker, you have yourself a crazy motherfucker on your hands here. What do you plan to do with her?” you asked, shutting Tavros’ phone and putting it on the coffee table. Tav shook his head and sighed.

“I don’t know, Gamzee… did you know I caught her going through my phone the other day? She was reading all my texts. I think she thinks that I’m cheating on her, even though she knows I’m not the type of guy to do that. I’m fairly sure she’s freaking insane.” you chuckled a bit; it was adorable how Tavros wouldn’t say ‘fuck’ unless he was pissed.

“I say dump her motherfucking ass.” whoops, did you say that out loud? It seems you did, because Tavros was staring at you with a mixture of shock and horror. Well… he _had_ been dating Vriska for a year and eight months, on and off. “Shit…”

“Gamzee… you, uhh... think I should dump Vriska?” and Tav had crawled back into that shell. Shit. You fucked up. Again. Why did you always do this?

“Well, I mean… shit, Tav, she’s not good for you. She’s a motherfucking bitch and she’s fucking controlling and,” _I’d love to punch her in the god damn face_ no you wouldn’t say that, not to Tavros. “She’s just… shit, you could find someone better, Tavbro.” Shit, Tavros was going to hate you, you just knew it.

“I know she isn’t the nicest person, Gamzee, but… I’ve been with her for a long time… I don’t know if I can just... let her go like that. I mean, yeah, she has her moments where she’s a huge bitch but she can also be amazingly sweet.” you almost laughed. The only time you had ever seen Vriska be nice to Tavros was whenever she was trying to get him to buy her things.

You hated Vriska. It was simple as that. You absolutely hated her, but you couldn’t tell Tavros this. It would crush him, to know that you hated his girlfriend. It would probably destroy your friendship with him, as well as any chance you might have ever had with him.

“I know that, Tav, but… gog, I don’t motherfucking know. I just… okay, don’t motherfucking hate me for this ‘cause my motherfucking thinkpan is all clear right now, but I think she’s using you.” You hated yourself when Tavros flinched. You felt like an asshole and Tavros was going to hate you and—

“You… think she’s using me? But we’ve been together for a year and 8 months…” Tavros furrowed his brow.

“I know but… she’s dumped you before, when you couldn’t afford to buy her something, and then when she finds out you got motherfucking paid, she comes back to you saying she all up and motherfuking missed you. I don’t think she actually loves you, Tav.” _Not the way I love you, motherfucker_ no, Gamzee, you would just scare him away. Again. Shit.

“I know, but… Shit, Gamzee, I don’t know what to do. I know it would be better for me to break away from her, but at the same time, it’s just… I really like her. Shit…” You could see the storm brewing in Tavros’ mind. Just another little push might get him going in the right direction.

“Yeah, but you can really like another person, can’t you? Vriska is just a bitch, Tavbro. You even said it when you motherfucking walked in. She sent you eight motherfucking texts demanding you answer her and bitching about you hanging out with me. Tavros, she’s motherfucking controlling your life; do you really want a girl like that?” Was that intelligence? Is this what you could be like without being constantly high, with all your thoughts cleared?

You kind of liked it.

“W-well… I mean… I guess you have a point… shit… my head hurts now.” Tavros fell back onto the pile and covered his eyes. You sighed as you got up to get a bottle of Faygo. You could see that the gears were whirring in Tavros’ head. You hated to leave him in the middle of a feelings jam, but you needed some motherfucking Faygo.

After this, it was make or break.

Tavros would either dump Vriska or stay with her.

You’d have a shot with him, or you’d have to give up.

You hated to say it, but you were scared.

You were scared of what Tavros was going to say in response.

You fingers itched for a joint but you couldn’t. Not while Tavros was there. Not to mention Karkat said no more. Fuck.

This just wasn’t your week.

You sighed, Faygo in hand, and made your way back to the couch. Throwing yourself onto the couch you twisted the cap off of the Faygo and took a swig, waiting for Tavros to say something. You could clearly see him chewing on his lip. The ticking of the clock in the kitchen was louder to you than it should be.

Why wasn’t Tavros saying anything? That worried you. It worried you a lot. Gears were turning, thinkpans were hurting and soon, lips would be bleeding.

“You motherfucking okay, Tavbro?” shit your voice sounded really small there.

“Yeah, just… Just, uh, thinking…” Tavros’ voice sounded even smaller.

“About anything in particular?” You took another swig of Faygo.

“Uh… yeah… just… how to break it to Vriska.”

You felt like you were about to throw up. From happiness, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehehehe I have a personal vendetta against Vriska since I cosplay Tav, whoops.
> 
> Well, I'm probably going to shove her and TZ in a relationship at some point maybe.
> 
> It took forever to get Tavros' quirk to work. HISSSSSSSSSSSSS
> 
> A lot of credit goes to [Alex](http://doctor-benzedrine.tumblr.com) for everything Vriska in this chapter. I had no idea what to do but she was a huuuuuuge help. :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feferi tries to plan a date with Sollux but gets a bit sidetracked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thii2 chapter gave me 2o much trouble but ii fiinally fiinii2hed iit.
> 
> Yep. 8l Enjoooooooooooy and thanks for almost 3k hits! LOVE YOU ALL <33
> 
> Also, how do I Feferi? 8l

_  
H-hey, Fef?  
Hmm~? What is it, Eridan?  
Wwe’re friends, right?  
Well of course! We’re best friends! You’re so glubbing silly! Why do you ask, anyways?  
Just makin’ sure.  
You’re so strange!   
_

==>Feferi: Make Plans

“So I was thinking that we could go and see a movie later or maybe go bowling or I dunno couple-y stuff! What do you think,Sol?” You already knew Sollux wasn’t listening to you. He was tryping away on that stupid computer again. What was he even doing, you wondered. It was probably work-related. He did just get a big project or something to work on, involving walls and a stereo system. You didn’t really care, though you did look over his shoulder to see who he was talking to.

TA: ii ju2t don’t 2ee why iit’2 nece22ary two make an entiire wall a 2peaker  
CG: EXACTLY MY POINT. I AM SO FUCKING GLAD YOU SEE IT THE SAME WAY I DO.  
TA: at lea2t you can under2tand hiim a biit 2iince you’re datiing hiim.  
TA: you two don’t even look liike the type that would date each other. how the hell diid that even happen?  
CG: WE’VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR FOUR DAYS AND YOU’RE SO SUDDENLY CURIOUS ABOUT HOW DAVE AND I GOT TOGETHER?  
CG: ARE YOU SHITTING ME?  
TA: no ii’m genuiinely curiiou2.  
TA: you two are complete oppo2iite2 from what ii can tell from that meetiing  
TA: 2o how diid iit happen, exactly?  
CG: WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT?  
TA: ii don’t know. ii told you, ii’m curiiou2.  
CG: AUGH FINE YOU DEMENTED NOOKSNIFFING BULGELICKER. I’LL FUCKING TELL YOU.  
TA : huh, and ii thought ii wa2 the only one who u2ed tho2e iin2ult2.  
TA: iintere2tiing. anyway2, go on.  
CG: OKAY. I’VE KNOWN DAVE FOR YEARS, BUT A FEW MONTHS AGO, MEANING NINE THANK YOU VERY FUCKING MUCH, WE GOT REALLY DRUNK.  
CG: AND I PRETTY MUCH HATED HIS FUCKING GUTS SINCE I MET HIM, SO I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY I WAS HANGING OUT WITH THE DOUCHELORD, BUT I WAS AND WE WERE HAVING A GOOD TIME.  
CG: THEN HE BROKE OUT THE DRINKING GAMES. IT WASN’T JUST US, BY THE WAY, THERE WERE A FEW OTHER PEOPLE THERE AS WELL.  
CG: NEPETA, EQUIUS, KANAYA AND A FEW OTHER PEOPLE I DON’T GIVEA FUCK ABOUT.  
CG: ANYWAYS, ALL OF US GOT REALLY DRUNK DURING “NEVER HAVE I EVER” AND IT GOT TO THE POINT EVERYONE WAS PLAYING DRUNK STRIP POKER OR SOMETHING.  
CG: THIS IS ALL WHAT KANAYA TOLD ME, BY THE WAY, SINCE SHE NEVER GOT DRUNK BUT JUST SLIGHTLY TIPSY.  
CG: DAVE IS A REALLY SHITTY POKER PLAYER, NO MATTER WHAT HE MAY TELL YOU. SO HE WAS DOWN TO JUST HIS BOXERS AND SHADES AND HAD THE STUPIDEST RED BLUSH ON HIS FUCKING FACE THANKS TO ALL THE ALCOHOL.  
CG: AND THEN NEPETA SCREECHED SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF “DAVE AND KARKITTY SLOPPY MAKE OUTS GO GO GO” AND ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER AND IT ENDED UP WITH ME AND DAVE LOCKED IN A CLOSET MAKING OUT FOR FUCK KNOWS HOW LONG.  
CG: AND THEN HE TOOK ME ON THE MOST FUCKING IRONIC DATE.  
CG: TO A CHINESE FOOD RESTAURANT.  
CG: THE END.  
TA: 2o you two got together from drunken 2henaniigan2?  
TA: cla22y. real cla22y.  
CG: SHUT UP, WE’RE HAPPY, FUCKFACE, OKAY?  
TA: ii never 2aiid you weren’t, kk.  
CG: KK?  
TA: ii 2horten everyone’2 name2. make2 iit ea2iier becau2e of my lii2p.  
CG: WHERE THE HELL DO YOU GET “KK” FROM THOUGH?  
TA: your name, diip2hiit. “k”ar”k”at. kk.

“Sollux are you ignoring me? Ruuuuude!” You pouted as Sollux clearly ignored you. Why were you dating this guy again? You crossed your arms and continued to read over his shoulder. What kind of conversation was this, anyway? And who the hell was Karkat? Must have been that guy from Sollux’s meeting the other day.

CG: REAL NICE, CALLING ME A DIPSHIT.  
TA: you called me a nook2niiffiing bulgeliicker  
TA: liike that’2 any better  
TA: dumba22  
CG: YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE, OH MY GOG.  
TA: 2o are you. how doe2 2triider even 2tand you?  
TA: jegu2  
CG: I WILL KILL YOU, YOU GOD DAMNED FUCKNUB.  
TA: real mature.  
CG: YES. YES I AM FUCKING MATURE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH YOU GLORIFIED SHITSTAIN.  
TA: you iin2ult people a lot, don’t you?  
CG: SO FUCKING WHAT?  
TA: what nothiing, ii’m ju2t 2ayiing you iin2ult people a lot.  
CG: THAT’S WHO I AM. IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT YOU CAN JUST GET THE FUCK OUT.  
TA: 2houldn’t you be kii22iing 2triider or 2omethiing?  
CG: HE’S NOT HOME. HE HAD SHIT TO DO.  
TA: 2o you ju2t have no liife except waiit for hiim two return?  
CG: I WAS STUDYING BEFORE YOUR LISPY ASS STARTED TALKING TO ME.  
TA: you me22aged me fiirst, moron  
TA: you greeted me wiith “hey fucka22 entertaiin me”  
TA: well iin your typiing 2tyle of cour2e  
CG: FUCK YOU  
TA: ehehe

That’s when you shut the top of Sollux’s laptop, abruptly ending his conversation with this Karkat guy. You weren’t happy, obviously. Your boyfriend was ignoring you in favor of some guy he’s known for a few days, Um, RUDE.

“What the hell, FF? I wath in the middle of a converthation.” You glared at Sollux.

“Yeah, and you were _ignoring_ me. I’m trying to plan a date for us, and you’re sitting here ignoring me. _So_ rude!” Sollux didn’t look sorry in the least. Ow, okay, that kind of hurt. “Can you at least pay attention long enough so we can plan a date? Please?” Sollux sighed and re-opened the laptop. He obviously saw you go to say something, since he held up a hand.

“Relackth, FF, I’m jutht telling KK that I’m going offline.” you stared down Sollux, waiting for him to tell his new buddy he had to go.

CG: WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO? ONE MINUTE YOU WERE HERE AND THE NEXT YOU WERE GONE.  
TA: 2orry, gf got up2et.  
TA: ii have two go, ii’ll talk two you later maybe.  
TA: 2ee ya, kk  
CG: WHIPPED.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA] at 10:46 –

“Okay, happy now?” Sollux asked as he shut his laptop. Yes, yes you were. Well, somewhat happy. You still weren’t pleased about the fact that Sollux had been ignoring you.

“Not totally happy, but happier than I was. Jeez, you’re a _real_ catch, Sol, ignoring me like that. Such an awesome boyfriend I have.” So maybe you were a bit heavier on the sarcasm at the end than you intended. You had a right to be peeved, though. “So, can we please plan this date?”

“Yeah, jutht give me a minute, alright? I have to pith.” Oh, how charming. Sometimes you wondered why you kept Sollux around, or even as your boyfriend. You watched as he made his way to the bathroom, shaking your head a bit. That’s when your phone made that cute little chirpy dolphin noise it made when you got a text message. You figured you had a few minutes to talk to… whoever.

  
_hey fef i wwas wwonderin if you wwere busy at all_   


Oh, it was Eridan! You always had time to spare for your best friend!

 _  
)(ey ---Eridan! I’m not so busy I guess! W)(at’s up? 38D   
_

You enjoyed talking to Eridan, despite how clingy he could be. He was just… lonely? Yeah, that seemed to describe Eridan pretty well. You felt bad for the guy, but hey, what could you do about it?

  
_i wwas wwonderin if you wwould help me find a neww apartment_   


A new apartment? Wasn’t his fine already? Last you knew, he had a pretty nice apartment. You briefly wondered what was wrong with it, but decided against asking. Maybe he just wanted more room?

 _  
Sure! 38D I’d love to )(elp! Out of my own curiosity, w)(at’s wrong wit)( your current apartment?   
_

Whoops, you asked anyways. Oh well, it’s not like curiosity killed the catfish, just the cat! Hehe, catfish were really cute! Maybe you could get Sollux to buy you one… not that you weren’t already up to your neck in Cuttlefish, which were also really cute.

  
_its too small for my likin. i wwant to havve a bit more space. you knoww wwhat i mean?_   


Yeah, you knew what Eridan meant. Well, sort of. You were rarely at your own apartment anymore, spending days on end at Sollux’s apartment. You even had a few sets of clothes there and a toothbrush. (Sollux didn’t want you to move in just yet, but you had no idea why. Maybe it was the Cuttlefish…)

 _  
Log into Pesterc)(um! It’s easier to talk t)(at way!   
_

Yes, you had just yelled at Sollux for ignoring you for a computer, but this was important! Well, not really, but you had every right to plan out apartment hunting with Eridan as much as Sollux had the right to talk to some guy he met four days earlier.

alright

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began pestering cuttlefishCuller [CC] at 11:02 –

CA: so is this better  
CC: Yes! So muc)( better! So w)(en did you want to go apartment )(unting? 38D  
CA: as soon as possible  
CA: preferably today since i have nofin to do  
CC: Well I was going to go on a date wit)( Sollux today…  
CC: But )(e didn’t seem too interested in planning a date for today.  
CC: So I don’t see w)(y we couldn’t take a look around today!  
CC: Also, yay! You used a fis)( pun! 38D  
CA: yeah i knoww howw much you lovve fish puns  
CA: i wwill nevver understand your enjoyment of fish puns  
CA: but if they make you happy ill use them  
CC: )(e)(e! You’re the best friend I could ask for, ---Eridan!  
CC: So we’ll look at apartments for you today!  
CC: W)(en do you want to leave?  
CA: i can pick you up in a half hour if you wwant  
CA: or later  
CA: wwhichevver wworks for you  
CC: )(e)(e! Pick me up w)(enever, you silly fis)(!  
CC: Oh! Can we go to the aquarium w)(en we finis)( looking at apartments?  
CC: I want to make sure that Gl’bgolyb is )(appy! 38D  
CA: isnt gl’bgolyb that massivve squid you tried to adopt a feww years ago?  
CA: i didnt knoww it wwas still alivve  
CC: Yea)(! Gl’bgolyb is still alive and well!  
CC: I just )(aven’t seen )(er in a long time!  
CC: O)(, can we go? Please please please?  
CA: sure  
CA: anyfin for you fef  
CC: Yay! T)(anks ---Eridan! 38D  
CA: so ill come get you in a half hour?  
CC: Yes! 38D  
CA: alright ill be there in a half hour then  
CA: thanks for comin wwith me fef  
CC: It’s no problem, ---Eridan!  
CC: It’ll be fun! 38D  
CC: Sea you soon!  
CA: yeah sea you soon 

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased pestering cuttlefishCuller [CC] at 11:19 –

Okay, so that made a huge change in your plans for the day, but you didn’t care anymore, as you signed out of Pesterchum and put the laptop to the side as Sollux came back from the… kitchen? Well, you assumed the kitchen, because you were pretty damn sure that Sollux didn’t keep Nutella in his bathroom. That would just be weird.

“Tho, what were you trying to plan out?” he asked as he took a seat next to you on the couch, spoon dipping into the Nutella jar and pulling out a… okay, that was seriously an obnoxious amount of Nutella on that spoon and _focus, Feferi_.

“Oh, that? Nevermind. Eridan needs me to go apartment hunting with him today, then we’re going to the aquarium to visit Gl’bgolyb. You can do whatever your little lispy heart desires today!” you giggled at the end, and Sollux just raised a brow. Maybe you were a bit too happy to be hanging out with Eridan, but whatever. You would get to see Gl’bgolyb today, the sweetie! That was the exciting bit of the day.

“Uh, alright. Have fun, I gueth?” Sollux didn’t understand the love you had for Gl’bgolyb, obviously.

“I will! You can have fun with Carborator or Karkit or whatever his name is!” Yeah, you already forgot the guy’s name. You knew it had the word ‘car’ in it though.

“Hith name ith Karkat, FF. Are you coming back tonight?” Sollux asked, looking at you.

You only shrugged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fufufu~ Official intro for Fef, meaning there have beeeeeeeen *drumroll* 6 trolls introduced! I think. If I counted right. Hehehe~
> 
> Now, to begin chapter 8! .....If I can stop my laziness. Yeeeep.
> 
> Edit: Hey... you guys CAN suggest pairings for me to focus on in future chapters. It's been getting harder for me to figure out what to write in the next chapters. I only know how I'm getting Dave and John to meet. I just have to get to that point.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Roxy makes horrible decisions and unexpected things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY GOT OFF MY LAZY ASS AND WROTE. Okay good and yeah now featuring Jane and Roxy and oops new developments.

_ You’re like a little housewife, knowing how to sew and everything!  
Egbert if you don’t shut the fuck up in the next three seconds…  
You’ll what? Come on, Dave! You’re sitting here sewing!  
…I’m not sewing, Egbert. I’m stitching the fucking gash in my leg here.  
Still sewing!  
I’ll cut you._

==>Dave: Make a Trip

Okay, recap. How the fuck had you ended up in the hospital in the first place? Rewind to earlier; right, Dirk had gotten hurt when he was with Jake. Rewind a bit more; they were going to go play paintball with Jane and Roxy. Something about a boys vs. girls thing and how the guys were better because Roxy was perpetually drunk (according to Dirk. Who the fuck let a 15 year old drink so much they were always drunk?) and Jane was a delicate little batter witch who didn’t know how to handle a gun. 

So, basically, it had turned to the point where it was realized that only Jake knew how to properly wield a gun and would ultimately lead whoever was on his team to victory. 

This also meant that since Roxy was perpetually drunk (Dirk had once said he had never seen the girl sober since they were 14), she ended up misfiring her paintball gun and instead of hitting Dirk’s chest or head armor, she had hit his arm and fractured the bone. Normally, you wouldn’t have been too concerned about Dirk getting shot in the arm by a paintball, but because Roxy didn’t quite know what good decisions were, she ended up freezing her own paintballs. You noted that frozen paintballs could fracture bones. 

Yeah, that was an interesting trip to the hospital for the four (so you learned via Jake and Dirk, who had called you to tell you they were going to the hospital). Apparently Jake had driven the four of them to the hospital (you decided not to question who gave him access to a car), Roxy hyperventilating about seriously injuring Dirk and Jane attempting to calm her down. Dirk had apparently been silent the entire time, holding his bruising arm. 

So, that sort of lead you to your current situation; sitting in a hospital room with four teens all under 18. Roxy had begun to sober up (a miracle, according to Dirk), though she was still in panic mode. Jane was still trying to comfort Roxy (but wasn’t succeeding) while Jake stood to the side, leaning against the wall. Dirk was sitting on the edge of the (stupid) cot in the room the nurse led the group to. She had long since disappeared and everyone was silent, save for Roxy. 

“So, someone wanna tell me what the fuck happened?” you questioned, crossing your arms and leaning against… something. You thought it was a wall but you were pretty sure it wasn’t a wall. You cast your eyes on Dirk first, and you knew he could feel your eyes on him. The little ass shook his head and your eyes found themselves on Jane next. She could feel your eyes on her and she bit her lip a bit. 

“Well, you see… we were in the forest behind Jake’s house since it’s an ideal spot to play no-rules paintball. We were using our favorite colors, but we were still on teams, Jake and Dirk against Roxy and myself…” well, that would explain all of the orange in Roxy’s hair and the green on Jane’s arms. “Everything was going fine until Dirk was injured.” Jane looked over at Roxy, and your eyes fixed on the Lalonde as well. Roxy sighed and ran a hand through her hair. 

“Well,” Roxy’s speech was still a bit slurred, but at least you could understand her. “I thought it would be a good idea to freeze my paint balls. I figured they’d just be really cold paint balls and not… frozen paint balls. I didn’t mean t’hurt anyone, honest. I just thought it’d be funny to shoot someone with a really cold paintball.” Annnd cue the (mental) 2x facepalm combo. 

“Okay, first off, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. If you put liquid in a freezer, it will freeze, not just get cold. If you wanna do that shit, put it in the fridge. Works better.” Yep, you were a regular wonderful influence on the teenage minds of your brother and his friends. Go you. You clearly won the parent of the year award this year. 

“Right…” Roxy sighed and rubbed her face. You shook your head and checked your watch. You hadn’t been in the room too long. You were just an impatient guy and whoops you… totally left Karkat in your room asleep and didn’t wake him up to tell him where you were going. Obviously, you won the best boyfriend of the year award as well. Alright, well, you might as well text Karkat and apologize and… oh. Six missed texts. Fuck, and this was why you didn’t leave your phone on silent. 

__ DAVE. STRIDER. WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?

HEY, ANSWER ME, DOUCHENOZZLE.

I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF YOU’RE IGNORING ME I’M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE THROAT.

DAVE, ANSWER ME. JESUS CHRIST, JUST SEND SOME KIND OF REPLY.

ARE YOU ALIVE, FUCKASS?

DAVE, FUCKING REPLY AND TELL ME WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE YOU GRUBLOAF.

…Maybe you should call Karkat instead of text him. Yeah, that would… probably be a good idea. Maybe he won’t be as mad at you if you call him to explain instead of just texting him, despite the fact that it would be much quicker to just text him about Dirk being in the hospital. You turned to Dirk, who had still not said a word. 

“I’ll be right back. I forgot to tell Kar I was leaving and he’s pretty ticked right now. Gotta soothe the beast with a phone call.” You got a nod in return from Dirk, and you made you way into the hall. It was a familiar movement, going into your contacts and hitting the contact for Karkat. You sighed as you listened to the ringing, waiting for Karkat to pick up. One… two… three… four… fi— 

“ _WHAT_.” You were pretty sure your eardrum burst, hearing Karkat scream. 

“Hey babe, that was my eardrum you just busted up,” yes, Dave, what an intelligent first thing to say. “Look, I didn’t mean to just leave on you today. Totally not my intention but--” 

“ _I DON’T GIVE A RAT’S ASS_.” 

“Kar, just shut up for a moment and--” 

“ _DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING WORRIED I WAS, FUCKNUB? I DON’T THINK YOU DO. I FALL ASLEEP WITH MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND AND I WAKE UP EXPECTING TO SEE HIM BUT, OH LOOK, HE’S FUCKING MISSING. HE WON’T ANSWER HIS PHONE OR REPLY TO ANY TEXTS. WHAT, IS IT MAKE KARKAT VOMIT WITH ANGER AND WORRY DAY OR SOMETHING? SO FUCKING SORRY I MISSED THE FUCKING MEMO. YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK--_ ” 

“Dirk is in the hospital.” Karkat went silent, a relief to your poor, abused eardrums. 

“ _…You. Dirk’s in the hospital? What the fuck happened?_ ” And now Karkat was speaking at a volume you could handle. Your ears were still ringing from the screaming, but hey, they’d go back to normal… eventually. If you were lucky. 

“Paintball incident. Roxy froze her paintballs and hit Dirk with one. Broke his arm, impressively enough.” You stated. “Look, I seriously feel like an ass for leaving without waking you up and telling you I was leaving, but you have to understand that I was worried about the kid. None of the glorified brats told me what had happened. For all I knew, Dirk could have been dying.” 

“ _Dave_.” 

“Babe, you gotta understand that I wouldn’t just leave without a reason.” 

“ _Dave_.” 

“And the reason would obviously be an important one. I may be an asshole but I’m not that big of an asshole.” 

“ _Dave, shut up for like, five minutes okay? Look, I’m not mad. Well, I was but that was before you explained why. I’m seriously not upset. I’d be upset if you didn’t have a reason to leave. Just send me a text if this ever happens, so I’m not sent into another anxiety attack, alright?_ ” The sincerity in Karkat’s voice was actually pretty surprising. “ _Is he alright?_ ” 

That was another thing you loved about Karkat; the fact he loved Dirk as much as you did. He never showed it, but you could tell that Karkat loved Dirk like a brother. Most guys didn’t get along with their partner’s siblings, but Karkat and Dirk just got along. It made you happy and you should reply to Karkat. 

“Yeah, he’ll be fine. Just waiting on the doc to come in and put the soft cast on and then the hard one. Kid’ll choose orange for the hard cast, I just know it. We’ll be home after, alright?” 

“ _Yeah, I got it. See you later._ ” You and Karkat never said ‘I love you’ when you ended a conversation. To both of you, it felt weird to say. Yeah, you would throw around a ‘love you’ here and there and so would he and you both knew that the other meant it. It just felt weird to say at the end of a conversation. That was why you primarily stuck to calling Karkat babe. It just felt natural. 

Your call ended and your phone returned to your pocket as you made your way back inside. Roxy had finally calmed down and Jake was fiddling with random equipment in the room. Dirk didn’t seem to have moved an inch. His head lifted as you approached him once more, sitting down in a chair that you hadn’t noticed was there before. 

“You get shit settled with Karkat?” he asked. You nodded and in return, you received a nod. “That’s good. He burst your ear drums?” 

“As usual. You doin’ okay?” you asked, and you realized, that was the first time since you saw Dirk that you asked if he was alright. And the award for best brother of the year goes to you, once more. Dirk half shrugged and nodded. 

“Could be worse. Hurts, but nothin’ I can’t handle.” Dirk was a strong kid and oh, now the door was opening. Seemed as if the doctor was in and damn he was pretty attractive. He was quite obviously nerdy, but he was quite attractive. Square frames sat on the bridge of his nose, and behind those frames were the bluest eyes you had ever seen. Doll’s blue if you absolutely had to give that color a name. His hair reminded you of Karkat’s; black and unruly, but also had that slightly-tamed quality to it. It was much more tamed than Karkat’s was. 

His smile, oh man his smile, was genuine and it was obvious he enjoyed his job. You couldn’t really see the name on his badge, but that didn’t matter. He’d introduce himself soon enough. 

“Hey!” his voice was cheery and he was just the complete opposite of Karkat. You barely tuned into what he was saying, more focused on analyzing him from behind your shades. “Wow, there are a lot more people in here than I thought there would be.” You blinked, snapping out of your daze. No, stop it, Dave. “Anyways, I’m John Egbert, the pediatric resident. From what I was told, you broke your arm?” The guy (John, you reminded yourself) had already picked out which one of the kids was Dirk (not a hard thing to do, really) and was talking to him. 

“Yeah.” Dirk lacked any emotion, as if he wasn’t bothered by it at all. John gingerly took Dirk’s arm to examine it to figure out how the cast would go on and fuck you were distracted again. Your thoughts wandered and oh shit John was talking to you and Dirk was giving you that look again. That look that said ‘Bro you are a fucking retard now get your head out of the fucking clouds’. 

“Uh, shit. Sorry, what?” You mentally slapped yourself. Smooth one, Strider. 

“Hehe, I said I need your consent to give Dirk Morphine so it doesn’t hurt as much when I reset the bone. I mean, you can fill out the paperwork while I set the bone if you want. I’d rather set it sooner rather than later though, so Dirk’s arm doesn’t get messed up completely.” John continued to smile and thankfully, you managed to pay attention this time. 

“Shit, yeah that’s fine. Do what you need to, man.” you replied. John nodded and passed you a clipboard. Shit that was a lot of information to fill out. So, you started from the beginning. You weren’t too engrossed in the paperwork, but you were absorbed in it enough to not realize that John had already injected Dirk with Morphine. You didn’t notice much of anything until Roxy and Jane made this weird little squeaking noise. You looked up and Dirk’s arm looked pretty normal again. He was pretty spacey and it was pretty funny, but Roxy and Jane looked pretty… disturbed. Jake was fascinated though. 

It wasn’t too much longer that you were there. Dirk was completely fucked up from the Morphine and had asked for a pony-shaped cast. You had hit your head on the clip board in response (with completely filled out paperwork, thank you very much) and told John just to give him an orange hard cast. Jane ended up telling Dirk that she’d draw Rainbow Dash on his cast when he wasn’t so loopy (though you kind of wanted to record the whole thing, because all Dirk would talk about was ponies). 

“And Rainbow Dash and peanuts and poker chips!!” You half thought that Dirk was making a Christmas list. You were very disturbed when Dirk started giggling. Note to self, never let Dirk have Morphine ever again. Or get drunk because you had a feeling things would end the same way as they did with him on Morphine. 

John laughed a bit before turning to you, letting Roxy, Jane and Jake amuse Dirk. Adult discussion time, apparently. Probably about the aftercare. 

“Alright, so when the Morphine wears off, if Dirk has any pain, generic pain killers will work just fine. If it gets worse, you can get a prescription pain killer. He’ll probably be like this for another few hours.” John smiled and the rest was… kind of a blur. You think you might have left him your number though, as well as your Chumhandle. 

Whoops. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TA-DAH NOW JOHN AND DAVE HAVE MET AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS ANYMORE. 
> 
> But feel free to make suggestions. :U I can use them.
> 
> Also how do I loopy Dirk. I did some research but idk everything about broken bones because FURPRISE I'VE NEVER BROKEN A BONE.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why is Kanaya always the go-to for advice when it comes to people she's never met?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOOOOOOOW ANOTHER UPDATE??
> 
> Yep.
> 
> OH RATING WENT UP AFTER THIS CHAPTER? NBD.

_Is there something wrong, Karkat?  
What? Why the fuck...? Ugh have you been talking to Nepeta?  
No, I haven't. You simply look confused. Is there a reason?  
No, there's no reason._

==>Kanaya: Be Pestered 

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 02:18 – 

TC: hEy KaNaYa I nEeD yOuR hElP  
TC: cAn YoU hElP a MoThErFuCkEr OuT?

\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] is now an idle chum! – 

Yes, you realized that Gamzee probably needed your help if he was contacting you at two-oh-seven am. Honestly, however, you couldn’t care less because you were otherwise preoccupied with your girlfriend of eight months and how she was nearly naked, as were you and—why was Gamzee not stopping with his messaging? You switched your online status for a reason. That idiot… 

Your name is Kanaya Maryam and yes, you were just cockblocked (metaphorically speaking) by a wannabe juggalo. 

“Kanaya, just answer him. The longer you ignore him the more he will pester you.” You sighed, wrapping your jade green robe around yourself and moving back to your computer. Rose was right; Gamzee wouldn’t stop. 

GA: Is There A Reason You Need To Pester Me At Such An Ungodly Hour  
TC: hEy ThErE yOu ArE! :o)  
TC: lIkE i SaId I nEeD yOuR hElP  
GA: With What May I Ask  
TC: hOw Do I wOo TaVbRo WiThOuT fReAkInG tHe MoThErFuCkEr OuT?  
GA: Gamzee For The Last Time It Isn’t Proper To Court Someone Who Is In A Committed Relationship  
TC: bUt He’S bReAkInG uP wItH hIs GiRl  
GA: ….  
GA: What Did You Do  
TC: iT iSn’T mY fAuLt  
TC: nOt ReAlLy AnYwAy  
GA: I Repeat  
GA: What Did You Do  
TC: wElL tHe MoThErFuCkEr CaMe OvEr AfTeR hAvInG a FiGhT wItH hIs GiRl  
TC: hE tOlD mE sOmE sTuFf ShE dId ThAt He DoEsN’t LiKe  
TC: sO i ToLd HiM hE sHoUlD dUmP hEr  
TC: oR tHaT’s ThE gIsT oF iT aNyWaY  
GA: Gamzee That Is Not The Proper Way To Handle That  
TC: bUt He WaS mIsErAbLe KaN   
TC: aT lEaSt I dIdN’t AtTaCk HiM wItH sLoPpY mAkEoUtS tHiS tImE  
TC: hOnK  
GA: Gamzee As Much As I Would Love To Help You Charm Tavros  
GA: I Have Never Met Him So It Would Be Difficult To Do That  
GA: You Do Understand  
GA: Correct  
TC: yEaH i GuEsS sO  
TC: i JuSt ThOuGhT yOu MiGhT kNoW sInCe I sOmEhOw WoOeD yOu  
GA: Gamzee That Was Back In Highschool  
GA: And Our Relationship Lasted SixMonths  
TC: sTiLl MaNaGeD tO wOo yOu  
GA: Yes You Did  
GA: But Even Now I Still Am Not Sure How You Managed That  
TC: sO yOu CaN’t HeLp Me?  
GA: I Am Afraid Not  
GA: My Apologies

\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased pestering terminallyCapricious [TC] at 02:19 – 

TC: cHiCa  
TC: hOnK  
TC: :o(

\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] is offline! – 

**== >Be the red-eyed grump**

Now why would you do that? You were just the pretty Kanaya girl. Is there something important going on with said red-eyed grump? 

**== >Look into the red-eyed grump’s dreams**

(Oh now fine fine. Let’s see what Karkat is dreaming about, shall we?) 

_You keened, there was no other way to describe it. Your back arched in an almost perfect (half) arch (who knew you were so flexible) as your toes curled. It was almost like a bad porno, except for the fact everything you were doing was involuntary, your body's own natural reactions to **his** actions. You’d probably hate yourself more later._

_**He** had to stop moving his fingers for a few moments and catch his breath at that keening and god, he knew this would have looked cheesy on tape but it was just so, so hot right now. There was really no other word for it, unless you counted the stream of positive adjectives (probably) running through **his** head. He gave another experimental wriggle of his fingers, then began actually working with you here, sliding the fingers in and out and he glanced down once, only once and the sight of his fingers slicked in your mutant red sent this thrill through his spine, leaving him giddy and excited and wanting to give you even more. He got a bit rougher, just a touch, so his claws didn't rip at his matesprit's (aka your) nook._

_You were actually a bit relieved that you couldn't see yourself at that moment; you'd probably end up slitting your own throat with your sickles because you probably looked like a bigger bulgeslut than half the trolls in the troll pornography business and most of the humans in the human pornography business put together. You couldn't help your groans and keens though; **He** was too good with those fingers of his. "S-shit... Fuck fuck shit..."_

_You whimpered, actually **whimpered** as he brought you into a kiss and his fingers continued to tease you mercilessly. Perhaps you should have rethought making him tease your nook with his fingers and should have had him just take you. You were still enjoying the teasing, though, but you was to the point of whimpering. Surely that meant **something**._

_Your whimpers sent this delectable twinge through **his** bulge and nook, and he slowly, too slowly, pulled his fingers decisively out of your nook and broke the kiss. "O-okay, Karkat, I'm going to call you Karkat now, just for now okay," he rambled, and then shook his head and got back to the point. "Karkat, you're gorgeous, hottest troll in the entirety of Alternia, and you're mine and I'm never letting you go again so let me just--" He swallowed anxiously, getting nervous now. "Let me just...have you. Now. If that's okay."_

_Your breathing came out uneven as you panted, body trembling. "Of course... it's fucking okay. Shit, fuck, hurry the fuck up..." You nuzzled his neck, body refusing to stop trembling, either from overstimulation or in anticipation. You'd berate him later for ever thinking you (and your mutant blood) was gorgeous but, again, a conversation that could wait. "Fuck me, Sollux." Your voice was a mere whisper, but he knew Sollux heard him._

You shot up in the bed you were sharing with Dave because _oh fuck what kind of dream was that and oh shit you had a fucking boner_. That wasn’t okay, that wasn’t okay that _seriously wasn’t fucking okay_. Having a sexy dream about Sollux (thinking about it, where had his lisp gone in your dream?) while you were dating Dave and Sollux had a girlfriend was a _definite no-no_. 

Wait, what the fuck was a nook? What the fuck was Alternia? Why were you a fucking troll and _why was Sollux gray with fangs and horns_? More questions were raised, such as why were his fingers _candy fucking red_ when he had pulled them out of your so-called nook? 

That dream had made no fucking sense but you did know that if you hadn’t woken up, you’re pretty sure that freaky tentabulge Sollux had going on down there would have been screwing you senseless and _why was that thought appealing to you_? You were more fucked up than you thought, seriously. 

You turned your head a bit and oh good, Dave was still asleep. You were thankful that he could sleep like a Snorlax (oh shit did you just make a Pokemon joke? Dirk was getting to you…) at times. You made your way out of the bed and let out a silent sigh of relief when all Dave did was roll over onto his stomach, shoving his face into his pillow. Good, you needed a cold shower from the tightness in your boxers. 

How embarrassing, having a fucked up sex dream about Sollux. You probably would have been more cool with it if you had been, you know, _human_ in the dream. Fuck, you seriously couldn’t, nor should you, let Dave know about this, this… _dream_ of yours. 

…You needed to talk to Kanaya and pronto. What time did she get up again? Eight? Yeah, that sounded right. What time was it now? …Six thirty. Well, that gave you an hour and a half to think. 

Thinking is something that Karkats shouldn’t do after having a sex dream about one of their friends. 

…Maybe you should just talk to Gamzee. That stupid clown was probably still awake, since he rarely slept. No, you didn’t count sleeping from 7:30 am to 1:30 in the afternoon sleeping. You counted that as an obnoxiously long nap that is messing Gamzee up even more. 

But first, that shower. 

You know what, screw the shower. Not like you wanted to be under frozen water to kill a boner that had already disappeared by just the thoughts you had been thinking. 

Actually, screw talking to Gamzee too. You wanted to be alone at this point and the best way to do that would be to go to the living room and watch whatever was on at 6:30 am. Which was pretty much nothing except for sitcoms from the 90s and kid shows. 

So you settled on Ben 10: Alien Force. You never understood why they decided on making a series about 15 year old Ben but whatever, you liked Kevin Eleven and how he picked on Ben, so it made the show worthwhile. Yes, Dave had caught you watching it before and teased you about it before you countered with how he watched Dora the Explorer and Special Agent Oso. You also ended up teasing him about the time he was looking specifically for Rolie Polie Olie and couldn’t find it and threw a bitch fit. 

That had been hysterical and you wished you had video taped it just to watch it whenever. Alas, you hadn’t, and you sincerely regretted it. Then again, how were you to know that Dave would throw a bitch fit over a children’s show? 

You sighed and let your chin rest on your knees. You really needed to think about that dream… while not recalling the details because that wasn’t a necessity. 

Yes, Sollux was really fucking attractive and if you weren’t dating Dave and you knew Sollux a bit better, yeah okay you might fuck him. Or, alternatively, you’d let him fuck you. You were sure about that one. So that dream would have made sense if you were, as stated previously, human in the dream. But you weren’t; you were a weird, gray-skinned troll with fangs and candy corn-colored horns. Things probably could have been weirder, except for the tentabulge part. 

That part would forever just creep you the fuck out whenever you remembered it. 

You groaned and threw yourself backwards on the couch, stretching across the entire surface of it. You were pretty sure that things were just gonna get more complicated from here on out. Dave had been distracted ever since he brought Dirk home from the hospital after getting the kid’s cast put on. You had been amused by how fucking out of it Dirk had been but Dave had been even more out of it and not in the funny way and you didn’t know why. 

You were partly concerned, yes. Okay maybe more than just partly but fuck if you were going to let anyone know. Fuck it, you were texting Kanaya because you seriously needed to talk to someone and you sure as hell weren’t going to talk to Dave about it. 

I NEED YOUR HELP.

You waited impatiently for a reply from Kanaya and just when you were about to send a new text, your phone buzzed. 

With What

CAN YOU GET ON PESTERCHUM?

Do I Have To

YES.

…

It Will Just Be A Moment

OKAY.

You opened the laptop next to you (you couldn’t tell if it was Dave or Dirk’s but you guessed it was Dirk’s from the orange theme and the fact the password was smuppet) and opened Pesterchum, logging out of Dirk’s account (yep, timaeusTestified, it was definitely Dirk’s laptop) and into your own. Seconds after you logged in, Kanaya’s username went from offline to chummy. 

\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CA] at 06:56 – 

GA: What Could You Possibly Require From Me At Such An Ungodly Hour  
CG: ADVICE AND OR HELP.  
GA: With What May I Ask  
CG: I HAD A SEX DREAM.  
GA: I Fail To See The Problem  
GA: Sex Dreams Are Fairly Common When One Is In Love  
GA: I Do Not See Why You Are In A Panic About Having A Sex Dream About Dave  
CG: THERE’S THE PROBLEM.  
CG: IT WASN’T ABOUT DAVE.  
GA: ……  
GA: Do Tell  
CG: IT WAS ABOUT ANOTHER GUY.  
CG: SOLLUX, ACTUALLY.  
GA: Sollux Is The Man Working For Dave On The Club Correct  
GA: Why Would You Have A Sex Dream About Him  
CG: I DON’T FUCKING KNOW.  
CG: IT WASN’T A REGULAR SEX DREAM EITHER.  
GA: Oh  
GA: How So  
CG: FIRST OFF WE WEREN’T HUMANS.  
CG: WE WERE TROLLS.  
GA: Trolls  
CG: YES, TROLLS. GRAY-SKINNED, POINTY-TOOTHED, CANDY CORN HORNED TROLLS.  
GA: Interesting  
GA: Go On  
CG: OH AND GET THIS.  
CG: I HAD A FUCKING PUSSY.  
GA: Oh My  
CG: AND A FUCKING TENTABULGE.  
CG: IT WAS LIKE I WAS STRAIGHT OUT OF A GOD DAMN HENTAI.  
GA: So You Had Both Male And Female Anatomy  
GA: Save For The Fact That The Male Anatomy Was Particularly Tentacular  
CG: IS TENTACULAR EVEN A FUCKING WORD?  
GA: I Have No Idea But It Seems To Work Nicely  
CG: YEAH I FUCKING GUESS SO.  
CG: WHAT DO I DO, KANAYA?  
GA: I Can Honestly Say I Have No Idea  
GA: Might I Suggest Therapy  
CG: ……  
CG: FUCK YOU.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 07:09 – 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 8l
> 
> I regret nothing.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sloppy makeouts and plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have writer's block which explains the copious amounts of pesterlogs. Fite me.

_ Don’t you dare die on me._

“Are you absolutely, one hundred percent positive that there’s nothing I can get you?” This had been happening for the past few days, and while it had been nice to have been doted on for the first day or two, it was just starting to get on your nerves. 

Your name is Dirk Strider, and right now, you’ve come to realize that your boyfriend is getting on your last nerve. 

“English, really, I’m fine. My arm is broken, I’m not incapable of getting shit for myself. As much as I appreciate it, you can calm down with the nurse routine unless you plan on dressin’ up like a pornstar nurse.” Okay, the last comment was for your own enjoyment at seeing English get flustered, but what boyfriend doesn’t do that anyways? Dave always did it to Karkat and it was fucking funny. You admit, you snickered a bit seeing Jake’s face turn red. “Relax, English, I’m kidding about the nurse outfit thing.”

“Well I assumed as much but to even say it is just…” You chuckled a bit as Jake couldn’t quite figure out what to say. “It’s inappropriate, that’s to say!” You raised a brow.

“English, what is so inappropriate about wanting to see my boyfriend in a nurse’s outfit?” You leaned back in your seat, raising a brow, not that Jake could really tell because your shades were in the way. Jake hated your shades for that reason. And because it hid your eyes but that was another story.

“Well for one I will not be wearing a dress! If you want one of us to be in a nurse’s outfit, it’s going to be you!” Oh, so English was like _that_ , eh?

“If you wanted to see me in a dress, English, all you had to do was ask.” For good measure, you slipped down your shades and wiggled your eyebrows. That was all it took for English to turn bright red and drop whatever he was holding. You brought your shades back up and there was suddenly text, walls and walls of text behind your shades.

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 13:06 –

TG: diiiiiiirk  
TG: heeeeeeey diiiiiiirk  
TG: you okey  
TG: *okay  
TT: Yes I am fine, Lalonde, thank you for inquiring.  
TT: I told you, it was a simple fracture, nothing I can’t handle.  
TT: Besides, I have Jake playing nurse for me.  
TG: oooooooh did you get him in a nsures outfit yet?  
TG: *nurdses  
TG: *nurses  
TT: No but I have set up the proposition for him that I would indeed enjoy seeing him in such an outfit.  
TT: He has requested that if either of us are going to be in a nurses’ outfit it is going to be me.  
TT: I had no idea he was into that.  
TT: After all, I had been joking around with him.  
TG: hehehe maybe you shuld do it then?  
TG: *shold  
TG: *should  
TT: I admit I am debating it.  
TT: Mostly because I am curious as to what sort of reaction he would have.  
TG: i bet itd be funny as HELL  
TG: didja ksis him yet?  
TG: *kiss  
TT: I regret to inform you that no, I have not stolen English’s lip virginity just yet.  
TG: do it!  
TT: It’ll happen, Lalonde.  
TT: I don’t know when, but it will.  
TT: Believe me, you have no idea how much I would love to just pin him to my mattress and ravage him.  
TG: kikny  
TG: *kinky  
TG: you shuld do it  
TG: *should  
TT: Patience. It would have been done by now, had someone not broken my arm.  
TG: i said i was srory  
TG: *sorry  
TT: And I forgave you.  
TT: Now if you would kindly fuck off so I can embarrass the living shit out of my boyfriend, that would be fantastic.  
TT: And possibly ravage him despite having a broken arm.  
TG: wait there was a reason i messagd you  
TG: *messaged  
TT: And what would that be?  
TG: uhhmmmmm i forgoe  
TG: *forgot  
TG: but i thnki it was impoertant  
TG: *think  
TG: *important  
TT: Well when you happen to remember what was so important, feel free to pester me.  
TT: Make sure it’s at least an hour from now, though.  
TT: Write it down if you have to.  
TT: For now, I am returning to the embarrassment of my boyfriend and embarrassing him even more.  
TG: okeeeeey  
TG: ttyl durk  
TG: *dikc  
TG: *dick  
TG: *dirk  
TT: Nice try, Lalonde.

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tispyGnostalgic [TG] at 13:21 –

“Dirk, are you sure you’re alright? You seem to be a bit spacey right now.” Suddenly you realized Jake was talking to you and you had been staring off into space for nearly 20 minutes. Oops.

“Yeah, sorry. Lalonde decided to pester me about something she forgot about. Got a bit sidetracked. Didn’t mean to worry you.” Using your good arm, you pulled Jake down onto the bed next to you. You had meant it when you said you would love to ravage English, but that would have to wait. For now, you could deal with just being cuddled up next to him with him being your own personal nurse.

“Oh, well if that’s all! I was a bit--”

“Shut up, English.” And suddenly your lips were on his and this first kiss wasn’t as romantic as you’d have liked but it would have to do. The sudden kiss sufficiently shut Jake up though and he was responding so that seemed to be a good sign, despite how uncoordinated and awkward it was. Well, it’s not like you could expect more from Jake since you both were lip virgins. This was a special moment and oh shit Jake just took away your shades.

“If we’re, uh, going to be kissing, I have to request that your shades be removed, Strider. Only fair, you know.” Damn him. He knew you could rarely say no to him and he was using that against you. 

“Fine, shades are off and I get to ravage you.”

“Wait, what?”

“Too late!”

“Strider! H-hey! _Dirk_!”

Dave would be proud.

**== >Dirk: Be Dave**

Your name is Dave Strider and currently you are looking at your Chumroll and _oh god he actually added you oh fuck that meant you actually gave him your chumhandle_.

You weren’t having a miniature panic attack while your younger brother was making out with his boyfriend in the room next to you ( _“ Remember little man these walls are kinda thin.” “Yeah whatever.”_), not at all.

Okay maybe a little but with good reason. The cute resident from the hospital _added you on Pesterchum_. This was a big fucking deal. A bigger deal than when you and Karkat began dating and oh shit you didn’t just think that. You loved Karkat and he was one of the best things that had ever happened to you so why were you getting all flustered over some nurse you’ve met once?

Why did you give him your chumhandle in the first place? You barely knew the guy so why…?

You blamed it on a momentary lack of judgment and the fact he was really fucking cute.

You set your Pesterchum to “abscond” and walked down the hall. Yes, you could still hear Dirk and Jake kissing and like hell you weren’t going to be an ass to them, not when Dirk constantly interrupted you and Karkat. So you did what any good parent would do.

You banged on the door and shouted.

“Don’t go at it too hard where you’re knockin’ teeth! I didn’t spend $6,000 on braces for you to fuck your teeth up while making out with your boyfriend!”

You swore you heard Dirk scream.

It was worth it. You were pretty sure he might have shattered Jake’s ear drum but that was funny. Speaking of braces…

You opened the door to Dirk’s room to have see Jake red-faced and Dirk glaring at you.

“What. The fuck. Do you want?” Dirk was seething and it was hilarious. You managed to keep your pokerface though.

“Have you been wearing your retainer?” Dirk twitched. You could see him physically twitch.

“Like hell I have.” 

“Start wearing it or your teeth will be fucked up again. Fuck, Dirk. I’m not paying another $6,000 to fix your teeth again because you don’t feel like wearing your retainer.”

“Shit, bro, it’s stupid and it makes me lisp.”

“Wear it or let your teeth shift. I’m not paying for another set of braces. Wear the damn retainer.” The look Dirk was giving you was positively murderous. You didn’t care how embarrassing the wire was or if it made him lisp. He had only had his braces off for a month and he was already neglecting the retainer. You could kill this boy, you swore.

“Fine.” You had to admit you were a little disappointed that you had to actually _watch_ Dirk get off of Jake and get his retainer off of his dresser and put it on. “Happy now?” 

“Jake, make sure he doesn’t take that retainer of his off.” Jake only nodded as you left the room. You didn’t see the big deal but then again you never had braces. You’d understand if you had them, probably.

But seriously, you weren’t going to pay more money to fix Dirk’s teeth if he was just going to neglect his responsibilities, even after he promised he would wear it.

Little liar.

You decided a quick trip to the kitchen was in order. You weren’t really sure what you wanted (a shitty sword to the foot was certainly not on the list) so you simply grabbed the first thing you saw; strawberry yogurt. You shrugged, grabbed a spoon, and headed back to your room, switching your Pesterchum status from abscond to smooth, your default emote. 

You nearly choked as you saw a new conversation started by one ectoBiologist.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 13:48 –

EB: uhhh so this is a bit weird  
EB: but i guess i just wanted to say hi?  
EB: and see how dirk was doing i guess!  
EB: even though that isn’t really my job since i’m just a resident  
EB: oh wow this is awkward haha!  
TG: dont sweat it man  
TG: kids doing fine  
TG: caught him red handed in a sloppy makeout though  
TG: he was pissed  
TG: otherwise hes fine you know  
EB: oh!  
EB: well that’s good!  
EB: so i was kinda wondering why you gave me your chumhandle?  
TG: to be honest man  
TG: im wondering that myself  
TG: i dont normally give out my chumhandle  
TG: but it kinda just got away from me and i gave it to you  
TG: so your guess is as good as mine

No it definitely wasn’t from the result of a beginning crush. No. Not at all.

EB: well that’s alright!  
EB: i mean you seem pretty cool!  
EB: well… from what i gathered that is!  
EB: you were pretty distracted the other day  
TG: yeah that happens sometimes  
TG: dont worry so much about it  
TG: i just start thinking and i dont realize ive been spacing out  
TG: no big deal  
EB: i guess so  
EB: anyways i guess that was all i needed?  
TG: hey  
EB: yeah?  
TG: we should hang out sometime or some shit  
TG: youre not half bad yourself egbert  
TG: we could be pretty good bros i think  
EB: uh sure!  
EB: i don’t mind!  
EB: sounds kind of fun!  
TG: sweet  
TG: we’ll figure out what to do later  
TG: you know  
TG: if i dont lose my life tonight  
EB: uh  
TG: i have a feeling that dirk might just murder me in my sleep tonight  
EB: why?  
TG: made him put his retainer back in  
TG: right in front of his boyfriend  
TG: little shit is going to murder me  
TG: heh  
EB: i wouldn’t be proud of that, dave  
EB: uh  
EB: i can call you dave right?  
TG: sure as hell ain’t gonna let you call me mr strider  
EB: haha!  
EB: well then we’ll talk more later dave!  
TG: true that egbert

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 14:13 --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops.
> 
> Someone should tell me what code I use for Roxy.
> 
> Really. Someone tell me. I don't know what script to use to get her fuchsia text.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the author fucks up shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HA. I FINALLY GOT SOMETHING I CAN WORK WITH NOW.
> 
> OKAY. FINALLY.

_ You are SUCH a nookwhiffing, shit-licking grubfucker!  
Ehehe yeah yeah I’ve heard it before, KK. From you, to be prethithe.  
Shut the fuck up!_

**== >Karkat: Feel Guilty**

When you first heard the sirens, you weren't really concerned. Ambulances went by every day because something always happened. You thought nothing of it. 

When Dave didn't come back to the apartment an hour after he said he was going to be back, you still weren't too concerned. He had been at his club and probably got distracted with something. 

When the phone rang, you had picked it up. Why shouldn't you? Dirk was at Jake's (not playing with paint balls this time) and the least you could do was pick up the phone. You were just a bit surprised when the caller asked for you. 

"May I speak to Karkat Vantas?" 

"Speaking." 

"We were told that in case of emergency, you were to be Mr. Strider's emergency contact. Is this information correct?" 

"Yeah. Did something happen?" 

"Mr. Vantas, Mr. Strider has been in an accident and is currently in critical condition in the ICU." 

Your blood ran cold. You barely heard the woman on the other end of the line speaking. Oh, no. What if this happened because of you? You had told Dave earlier that you needed to talk. He must have picked up on the fact you wanted to break up with him. What if you were the whole cause of him being in the hospital? You would never be able to forgive yourself and oh god you couldn’t handle this. 

“Mr. Vantas?” 

The speaking was distant, caused by either the fact you were starting to feel dizzy or because you had dropped the phone on the ground. It was probably a mixture of both. You could feel yourself beginning to panic. You couldn’t help but continue to think that you were the cause of Dave’s accident. What had you done? What had you legitimately done? 

“Mr. Vantas, are you there?” With shaky hands, you picked up the phone. 

“Yeah… Shit I’ll… be there soon.” You didn’t want to see Dirk’s face when you picked him up. You already felt guilty, first about the dream about Sollux, which is what led to the fact you wanted to break up with Dave, telling him you needed to talk which probably led to the accident. You hung up the phone and, jacket and keys in hand, you bolted out the door to your shitty car. 

**== >Be Sollux**

Your name is Sollux Captor and currently you are sitting across from your girlfriend Feferi in your apartment. You were lounging in your favorite armchair with Feferi on the couch across from you. There were reasons you were snuggled up next to her on the couch and it wasn’t just because of the wiring plans you were still drawing up. The plans wouldn’t be completely done for about another week, not that Strider would mind but whatever. It wasn’t like he had given you a time limit anyways. 

“Hey, Sol, how long are you going to work on those glubbing plans?” You rolled your eyes behind your glasses. You had traded your regular red and blue glasses for your prescription ones. You were sure Feferi saw you roll your eyes. 

“Until they’re done, of courthe.” you spoke as if the answer was obvious which, in a way, it was. So maybe you were intentionally blowing Feferi off. You heard her scoff, though you ignored it in favor of scratching pencil against paper. Yes, you knew Feferi was irritated with you but you honestly couldn’t bring yourself to really care. Did that make you a horrible boyfriend? Yes. 

“Sollux, I don’t understand. Why do you keep ignoring me?” You also realized that Feferi was hurt. Wow, you were a really shitty boyfriend. 

“Becauthe I’m buthy.” Not a wonderful reason but it was your reason. “Look, FF, I like you and all, but if you’re going to play the clingy girlfriend role, then I don’t think I want you ath my girlfriend.” 

“Wha—Sollux! What are you saying?!” 

“Do I have to thpell it out for you? I’m breaking up with you.” Feferi looked shocked and you honestly wondered why. Hadn’t you hinted at it plenty that you were getting annoyed with her? You certainly thought you had. 

“…Sollux Captor, if this is some kind of a joke--” 

“Feferi, I’m not joking around. I’m theriouth. We’re over. I’m breaking up with you. Thith relationship ith no more. Do you underthtand yet?” You sighed at the watery look in Feferi’s eyes. Was she seriously about to start crying? You almost sighed in relief as that watery look disappeared, though you didn’t miss the hard look that took over. 

“This isn’t because there’s someone else is there?” she questioned. Deny it, Sollux. So what if you had some very minor feelings for Karkat? He had Dave and you couldn’t have him. There was no one else. 

“No, no one at all. I jutht don’t like your clingy perthonality and conthtant talking about Eridan. You know what? Maybe you should date him.” You weren’t sure if you were being drastic and sarcastic, or just completely rude and serious. You were leaning more towards rude and serious, because hell, Feferi was practically attached to the guy’s hip when you two weren’t together, and they were together more than you and Feferi were in the first place. 

“I can’t... I can’t believe you! Glub!” 

Suddenly there was a slapping sound, pain in your face, and a door slamming shut. Feferi had one strong slap, damn. You supposed it was from all the swimming she did. You have no idea what prompted you to take out your phone and start texting, but you did. 

_2o ii ju2t dumped my giirlfriiend and told her two date her be2t friiend. do ii wiin biigge2t iidiiot of the year award yet?_

You waited for the reply. You weren’t sure how long you’d have to wait; the guy was unpredictable so you assumed you had time to make tea and pour copious amounts of honey in it. You really liked honey. Your phone chirped with the sound of a text message, prompting you to pick it up and look at the text while you waited for the water for your tea to heat up. 

_MY BOYFRIEND IS IN THE ICU BECAUSE OF AN ACCIDENT AND I WAS GOING TO BREAK UP WITH HIM TODAY._

You blinked in surprise. Okay you could admit you weren’t expecting that at all as a response. Maybe some snarky comment about how you were the dumbest lispy bastard to ever grace this Earth but not… this. 

_well 2hiit. you were goiing two break up wiith hiim? any partiicular rea2on why? more iimportantly are you alriight?_

How long did it take to heat water again? Ah well you’d figure it out. You waited for Karkat’s response, giving no fucks as you ate pure honey, pouring it out of the stupid bear-shaped bottle and into a spoon. God, you loved honey. It was so sweet and delicious and, oh, there was Karkat’s reply. 

_I’M ALRIGHT. I MEAN I FEEL FUCKING GUILTY BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE THIS WAS SOMEHOW MY FAULT BUT I’LL BE FINE. I CAN’T HELP BUT WORRY ABOUT HIM THOUGH. I MEAN FUCK, I KNOW I WAS GOING TO BREAK UP WITH HIM BUT I STILL CARE ABOUT HIM._

Mixing the hot water and teabag with one hand, you replied to Karkat with the other. The honey would be put in later. 

_ii don’t 2ee how iit’2 your fault. iit’2 not liike you cau2ed the acciident. that’2 why they’re acciident2. unle22 you phy2iically cau2ed the acciident iit ii2n’t your fault._

You were pretty bad at the comfort stuff, but you did what you could for Karkat… and in went more honey than most humans would normally consume. Your tea was pretty much 80% honey, 15% tea and 5% sugar. 

_WELL NOT PHYSICALLY MY FAULT, BUT I TOLD DAVE WE HAD TO TALK AND IT’S JUST… FUCK I FEEL LIKE THIS WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED IF I HADN’T SAID ANYTHING._

Okay so… maybe Karkat was being a little hard on himself. 

_do you need a feeliing2 jam or… company? 2omethiing? ii don’t thiink you 2hould be alone though._

You sipped at your tea while you waiting, burning your tongue a couple times. Patience wasn’t something you were good at when it came to certain situations. 

_…YEAH. I’LL JUST… I DON’T THINK I’LL BE ABLE TO DRIVE BACK TO YOUR PLACE…_

You figured as much. Karkat, even though he was touch a lot of the time, wouldn’t be able to handle this. 

_ii’ll take a taxii two the ho2piital and driive your car back two my place. work for you?_

It wasn’t like you couldn’t use your own car to pick up Karkat; you just assumed he would rather have his own car with him in case anything came up. 

_YEAH. THANKS, CAPTOR. HOW FAR DO YOU LIVE FROM THE HOSPITAL?_

_about fiifteen miinute2, iif ii don’t obey 2peed law2. twenty-fiive iif ii do._

_…ALRIGHT. I’LL CALL YOU WHEN I’M READY TO LEAVE._

_2ound2 good kk. uh, be 2trong, alriight?_

_…I CAN’T PROMISE THAT._

You sighed and tossed your phone onto the couch. You weren’t about to get into an argument with Karkat over text message. He was already feeling shitty enough, no need to make it worse. 

**== >Be Karkat**

You were waiting with Dirk. He looked calm as ever, but you didn’t miss the tapping of his foot and the drumming fingertips. You couldn’t blame him. You knew that Dave would be fine. He wouldn’t go down without a fight. But he wouldn’t be awake when you would be able to go in to visit him. You’d have to wait until he was awake to… well, to break up with him. 

Which just made you feel like a bigger asshole. Who breaks off an almost year-long relationship while one half of that relationship is in the hospital? 

You did. 

And it made you feel like a complete and total piece of shit but you just… really needed to end your relationship with Dave, or put it on hold or… _something_ because you felt like an asshole for dating Dave while holding feelings for Sollux. It just felt like… 

It felt like cheating, and cheating was not a thing that you did. 

You sighed and leaned back, gnawing on your bottom lip while you waited for some kind of news. 

Time felt like it dragged on but at some point, a nurse came into the waiting room to talk to you and Dirk. Dave would be fine, she said. He wasn’t in a coma she said, just unconscious. No brain damage she said. Just a few broken bones and he needed quite a few stitches. 

“…Can we see him?” Dirk had asked the question. You were half hoping she said no. You didn’t think you could stand to see Dave without wanting to just shake him awake and tell him, well… everything. 

Your prayers had almost seemed to be answered when the nurse shook her head. 

“I’m sorry, but visiting hours are over. You can come back first thing in the morning though.” 

The rest was a blur to you. You remember Dirk yelling at the nurse, and stepping outside to call up Sollux and Jake’s… guardian. You weren’t going to let Dirk stay alone and you weren’t going to bring him to Sollux’s with you when he could be with his boyfriend. Of course, Jake arrived to pick up Dirk first (you would let Dirk explain to Jake what happened). 

All you could think about was how much you would ultimately end up hurting Dave by breaking up with him so soon after being hospitalized. 

You don’t remember how long it was before you realized Sollux was crouching in front of you. 

“Welcome back.” Apparently you had been spaced out for a while if that was the first thing Sollux said to you. 

“Captor…” 

“You can thpace out again when we get to your car. For now, hand me the keyth and lead me to which piece of shit car ith yourth.” You handed Sollux your keys and blindly led him to where you knew you parked your car. You were pretty sure it took Sollux physically pushing you into the passenger’s seat and buckling you up to get you into the car. You were pretty much incapable of doing it yourself anyways. 

The ride home, meaning to Sollux’s apartment, was a blur as well. You were sure you weren’t actually thinking about anything. You had to force yourself not to think about Dave. 

It was harder than you thought it would be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know what I'm starting chapter 12 with. It's just a matter of getting there.
> 
> Hehehe-- I MEAN.
> 
> H3H3H3H3. >:]
> 
> I'm super frustrated with the stupid coding right now too. AO3 GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER,


End file.
